Posts Tagged ‘crazy bitches’

Other Bitches I Hate

Monday, November 10th, 2008

The Crazy Russian Lady has been busy on her blog lately and while she continues to offend me, it would be wrong to link to her; she would only brag about her new readers. And yet her comment following the news of a neo-Nazi plot against Obama managed to compare it to the Reichstag Fire. (!!!) She is koo koo for cocoa puffs, as I’ve said before, and a mean one, too.

So I’ve decided to copy some of her posts at my, ahem, Tribute Site. That way you can share the hatred without giving her any pleasure. In any case, if you take issue with her at her blog, she will delete your comments and/or “blacklist” you. (Hi, Crazy, I know you’re reading this!)

Earlier today, I was reminded of a person who became my nemesis on eBay. I used to collect Victorian tiger claws, and I know this might be horrifying but there it is: I collected them. I got my first one at a flea market in London and I didn’t know what it was but I loved the engraved gold setting and I wore it on a chain.

When I first discovered eBay, I looked for tiger claws and found there were often five or six every week, usually offered by someone in the UK. I managed to buy a beautiful brooch. Then I realized that nearly every tiger claw was won by the same bidder, whose handle was “shellyel.”   I grew to hate that greedy shellyel, and I wondered what her deal was. I wanted to email her and say “Will you ever have enough tiger claws, you fucking bitch?!” I had to face the fact that whoever she was, she had cornered the entire world market for Victorian tiger claws. It seemed so unfair! Where did she get all that money? Each piece sold for around $150, or up to $300 if it was set with a precious stone or something.

One day, long after I stopped looking at eBay, I was in a boutique with my BFF when I saw a bigass tiger claw hung from a raw leather cord. It was in a glass case. A sales person saw me looking at it and said, “This is by one of our new designers, Shelly Litvak. Isn’t it cool?”

I screamed “IT’S SHELLY!” loud enough to scare my BFF. The price was $3,000. Shelly was pretty smart, some would say. In my world, she’s a fucking, fucking cunt. How can collectors collect stuff when there are wealthy Shellys around?

You can buy her absurdly overpriced necklaces here or you can also look out for her crappy suede handbags that are priced at around a billion dollars.

In case Shelly googles herself and finds this post, Look, Shelly! I have a big double tiger claw necklace with 22k gold thingies, and you can’t have it!

I Can’t Quit Her!

Friday, November 7th, 2008

Shit. I need to move on, but how?!?!

I really think I was making progress getting over her until I read this quote:

“I want to be able to help also Americans to know that they can trust their media.”

WHAT IS THAT “ALSO” DOING THERE ?!?!?!?!?!?!?! It’s fucking maddening. Can’t someone sever her vocal cords?

Neiman Marcus is having a special two day sale, but it’s dead to me now, as Tony Soprano would say. I know that’s a good thing, but still. I’d like to hate Neiman Marcus on its own merits.

I do plan to write about fashion here, but only in a complaining way. I’m mad, remember? There are already enough fashion bloggers out there, but I still haven’t met anyone as mad as I am. Today I’m mad at my OTHER next door neighbor, who I’ll call Steven because that’s his name. Steven is divorcing his nice hard-working wife and he’s taking her to court to get spousal support, so he can keep flying to New York all the time, pretending he’s not gay.

Also too, I’m really really mad at that horrible crazy Russian Lady (who famously got all up in my grill) because get this: In her boring and pointless blog, she is comparing Obama’s forthcoming presidency to the reign of Josef Stalin. You heard me. Stalin. And yet, I can’t have her deported or sent to the cornfield!

Okay, that’s it for now. Any ideas on how to overcome my PDS, please advise! Or just go here and scream out loud.

Hideous Shoes To Brighten Your Life

Sunday, July 27th, 2008

Earlier today, I was very annoyed by a crazy bitch who’s been taunting me online. But then I realized that if I had to go around kicking the ass of every single person I’ve somehow pissed off, I’d have no time for anything else.

Even better, I came across these godforsaken boots at Neiman Marcus, and my life was once again filled with joy. Who would buy these monstrosities?!   Besides Cher and Pamela Anderson, I mean.

They are priced at $395, a small price to pay for all this grotesque ugliness! Just try deciding which pair is worse!