Godammit, I’m Mad!

Sometimes a person comes along and captures your attention no matter how much you think you don’t care about them. Such is the wonder of Rachel Zoe.

I thought I’d had enough of her after reading about her fight with Nicole Richie and seeing photos of her anorexic shriveled body with the attendant quote: I’m just naturally tiny!

But one of my horrible newsletters invited me to click on Rachel Zoe’s new website and voila! I am hooked. How does she write like that, is my question. It’s like a whole other language! No wonder people like her! This is better than GOOP, don’t you think? Or maybe they can’t be compared, since they are nutty in different ways, like the unhappy families in Anna Karenina.

Here is what I’ve just learned from Rachel Zoe:  Diamond studs can get a little snoozy. That’s right, SNOOZY, you snoozy diamond stud people. I personally have three little snoozy diamond studs in my right ear at this very moment. Luckily, I also have a little gold spike earring in the same ear, or I might feel like a complete loser. Whew! That was a close call.

I can tell Rachel Zoe is going to keep me on my toes. If only she would share that fucking Restylane with me. I know I’m fixated on it, but I can feel my cheeks deflating with every passing moment.

Here is a cell phone picture of my dresser tonight. Is there too much crap on it, do you think?

Some of the things I considered writing about today, include:

A really funny review of “the worst book ever written”

The obscenity trial underway in L.A., involving scat porn (and a guy who needs killing)

A blog about “piñata related violence”

Golconda diamonds, and why they are so valuable

But I was too lazy, so that’s why I took a picture of my dresser! Despite appearances, I am devoutly atheist.