Godammit, I’m Mad!

Dear Sylvia,

I’m sorry to inform you that there’s a dress named after you, available at Shopbop. I don’t know why anyone would name a dress ‘The Sylvia Plath’ but that’s what happened. I hope you like modal and spandex, with ruching and shoulder ties.

I know you weren’t thinking of fashion when you put your head in the oven….or were you? I too have wanted to kill myself after looking at horrible fashion. Thank god you don’t have to see ‘The Gertrude Stein’ which is made by the same company and even more tragic and inappropriate.

Yours apologetically,

Sister Wolf

Cheap Monday, the Swedish fashion line that brought you those $65 jeans that make you look (and feel) like a sausage, has come up with a garment that looks just like a hefty bag.

I know everybody loves the Cheap Monday jeans, but I hate them. I’d rather pay a ton of money for my jeans and have them fit well and enhance my butt if possible. I also like the absence of brand logos and weird embroidery on the back pockets.

Swedish designers are otherwise really impressive at the moment. Whyred is pretty cool and of course Acne is, too. Even though they wouldn’t let me have the bondage-like shoes of my dreams, which are actually quite hideous and can be purchased in white here at eluxury.com.

And on the subject of bondage and shoes, check out these by Natacha Marro, from House of Harlot, where everything is totally fabulous, tempting and not quite affordable.

Vivienne Westwood now offers you the Penis Drop Pendant, for only $138!  You could wear it with the Penis Cufflinks, if that’s not too much penis for you.

I’d been reading how this new spring nail color by Chanel was an absolute Must, destined to sell out before you could say “Fashion Victim.”

So when I came upon a display case of it at a trendy Neiman Marcus spin-off called Cusp, I grabbed a bottle and felt the rush of triumph of a hopelessly brainwashed competitive shopper. I’ve got my Blue Satin, ha ha, the rest of you can wander around in the desert, looking for your bottle.

If only the formula wasn’t so goopy, but that’s Chanel for you: Crap. It’s 19 bucks but some of the nice people at ebay are already selling it for $45.