Godammit, I’m Mad!

California State Senator Roy Ashburn (R) seemed like too much of a no-brainer for Cunt of the Week™, but then I thought, “If it walks like a cunt and it quacks like a cunt….”

The man is a cunt, pure and simple. With a staunch anti-gay rights voting record, Ashburn has come out as gay, only after being arrested for DUI upon leaving a popular gay nightspot in Sacramento.

Ashburn has voted against a number of gay rights measures, including efforts to expand anti-discrimination laws and recognize out-of-state gay marriages. Last year, he opposed a bill to establish a day of recognition to honor slain gay rights activist Harvey Milk.

Equality California, a group that advocates for expanded gay rights and other issues, has consistently given Ashburn a zero rating on its scorecard.

Today, Ashburn’s statement is typically self-dramatizing and hypocritical:

“I am gay … those are the words that have been so difficult for me for so long.” (Awwww, boo hoo!) “The best way to handle that is to be truthful and to say to my constituents and all who care that I am gay. But I don’t think it’s something that has affected, nor will it affect, how I do my job.”

Here’s what bothers me the most. In his radio interview, Ashburn said he is drawing on his Christian faith, and he asked people to pray for him.

PRAY FOR WHAT, you fucking cunt?!? That god forgives you for being gay? That he turns you into a heterosexual? Or that people don’t view you as a fat sanctimonious liar?

Imagine if I voted for all kinds of anti-Semitic legislation and then asked for people to forgive me because I was afraid to admit I was Jewish? Would I deserve sympathy, or would I be a Cunt of the Week™?

I rest my case. Congratulations, Sen. Roy Ashburn!

I have hated this fat pig for so long that it’s hard to believe his stupid sneering face will no longer blight my life when I’m stretched out on my couch like a beached whale, waiting for some Anderson Cooper on CNN.

I used to find him amusing, but that ended a long time ago. Watching him gain traction or whatever they call it over the last year has been too infuriating to stomach. I hate this fucker more than anyone on TV, and that is truly saying something.

I didn’t even know he graduated from Harvard until today. I will never again assume that a Harvard graduate has a high IQ.  Read about some of his most egregious bullshit here, if you’re not already a card-carrying Lou Dobbs Hater.

Lou, here is a memo: Take your fat dimpled pigface far, far away and have your nervous breakdown in private where it belongs, you racist moron. Andale!

Just look at these pigs guys!  The question is, did their right-wing politics turn them into pigs, or did their pigfaces drive them to right-wing politics? (Click on the picture for the full horror.)

This Pigfest was designed by Max, who has taught me the joy of watching Hannity on Fox TV. It’s a nice diversion from Lou Dobbs, whose show I can no longer tolerate, and who seems very close to a nervous breakdown.

Did we leave anyone out? Let me know.

In other Wolf news, the Younger has posted a new video here. How many Wolves can you spot in the audience?

Breaking news: Jessica Simpson is a fat pig and it’s mean to make fun of her. In fact, if you make fun of her, you are part of the problem. It’s people like you who are forcing girls to starve themselves, you big meanies!

Jessica Simpson can’t help being a fat pig, duh. She is only human, or so it seems. Her sister used to have a really big nose, but now she’s fixed it, and she’s hopping mad about Jessica’s detractors. Heidi Klum is mad, too. Heidi is very slim, even after eight million children, but she will not stand for any criticism of Jessica’s weight.

Jessica Simpson is fat now and it’s everybody’s fault. You laughed at her fashion blunders, you sneered at her awful enormous handbags, you mocked her for her line of shoes and hair-pieces, and now look what’s happened! Even President Obama noticed her weight problem. He’ll probably propose some legislation to stop her from gaining more weight. John McCain will oppose it, though.

If I were Jessica Simpson, I’d either kill myself just to show how hurt I was, or I’d pack on another fifty pounds in order to make everyone feel bad for calling me fat.

Either way, it just goes to show how petty and small-minded we are as a society. I plan to go to church tomorrow to pray for Jessica Simpson. May she find solace in big earrings and wide belts and a double order of crispy fried chicken.