Godammit, I’m Mad!

I was asked by the blond babe known as Rackk and Ruin what clothes I do like, so I looked through the images I’ve kept for inspiration (i.e., to make me feel sorry for myself.)

These two photos were styled by DisneyRollergirl for Reiss, and they struck me immediately as the way I want to look. Casual, tomboyish, classic with a twist.

This tartan wool biker jacket fits the same criteria. I wasn’t surprised to discover that Susie B actually owns this jacket by J.W. Anderson.

I like this Ruffian look for Fall: Ladylike tomboy with some offbet sexy elements.

I like this look from Sonia Rykeil. It combines my nun fetish with my schoolgirl fetish.

Simple soft black leather. Works with everything. Add a green leather jacket and some python boots, you’re good to go.

Just a great androgynous look I’d like to borrow. Not the hat, duh.

This painted leather jacket is the holy grail if you see it up close.  I’m letting my sister paint one of mine in the same colors and hoping it will work out.

JF and Son are  really on to something that speaks to me. Simple but dramatic,  boyish but sexy.

The shoes make this Louella outfit. Those shoes say, “Fuck you, I have silver winklepickers, bow down to me.”

Finally, just like every sucker, I’d like to imagine myself an Isabel Marant woman, carefree in butch jeans and boots with a casual $3,000 fur coat thrown on as an afterthought.

See? I’m not just about mocking bad fashion. I have my own hopes and dreams of leather, cashmere, Patti Smith, Keith Richard, Catholic schoolgirls, demure nuns and decadent furs.

Suggestions, insults, insincere compliments?

It’s time to move on from the big black goat-hair coat.  It was fun for a while but now it’s sad.  Do any normal people wear them, or just fashion blogggers?

I don’t want to see any version of the Lita, or any clog hybrids.  No more talons, either. No more Alex Wang handbags and no more ratty leopard print jackets unless you’re Kate Moss.

What look or item would you like to banish for 2011?

*UPDATE – Shit, I just saw that the NYT did a piece on Ten Things they don’t want to see in 2011. It’s here.

The shoes at Saks.com are like a festival of roadkill.

I’ve always loved fur but something about this footwear trend is making me gag. I wonder how dogs react when they see these things approaching? I’ve tried to decide which pair above is the ugliest, but it hurts to dwell upon them.

On a related note, I am stuck with my Kate Moss Groupie Coat, since no one on ebay was astute enough to buy it from me.

There is no fucking way I’m going to wear this coat and look like a Chanel Yeti or anything of that ilk. I bought it last year in a moment of delirium.

What can I do to make this coat better? I’m thinking of cutting it off to make a short jacket. Is this good or not good? Would I need to hem it? Because I can’t handle that.

Should I add some color with paint or sharpies or something?

I could run a huge contest called “Fuck Up My Coat” and post all your ideas on Flickr, but no, that’s not how I roll. Just let me know if you have a suggestion.

My ingenious method of self-intervention worked so well last time!

But shit, this blue fur pea-coat is perfect for me! I am rocking the shit out of it, right?!?

Since it’s $3,105 at Opening Ceremony, it’s not gonna happen. Waaaaah!

Maybe the New Shopping will be Virtual Shopping, for most of us, anyway. You can feel the thrill without the remorse. All you need is a kid with mad photoshop skills.

I admit that my definition for Clueless Goth Style was pretty unintelligible.  But Enna, above, has put together a great look: It’s kind of Blogger-Hooker crossed with Hipster Underage Granny. She knows that it’s mandatory to rock a fur thing and a Dope Dealer hat.

Here is Redhead Fashionista rocking a (subconscious?) tribute to Sea, with striking black lipstick and a bumble bee themed outfit, and bringing a saucy tough-girl vibe to the Goth Lolita thing. Isn’t she gorgeous and clueless?

HelOnWheels looks tragically Goth and clueless in this old school tartan bondage dress and stupid hippie ankh.  The excessive rings and pretentious hat are perfection!

Lois-Elizabeth take Clueless over the edge into Mental. The Goth Hooker dress with white accents is begging for attention, and the pigeon-toed stance pulls it all together.

Angelica really nails it with the shredded leggings and headband. The lace-up boots are bang on trend, and the heavy showgirl make up is perfect for making a strong first impression.

Athif knows how to rock fur, doesn’t he? The thing around his neck looks like it was only recently running around someone’s garden, while the fluffy footwear says Chanel knock-off.  Ripped leg-wear and scary jewelry show that Athif has done his fashion homework!

WOW, Marie is a genius. Here, she looks  sexily disheveled as though apres lovemaking (or pony-play?) in a barn. Let’s take another look.

This outfit is dripping with style, beginning with that fabulous cape. The lace, the chains, the hat, the attitude, Marie is a vision of loveliness in her Military Madonna outfit. Wordpress is too stupid to let me post the full size pictures of Marie, but I’ll be happy to send them to you in email if you ask nicely.

I was thinking about attempting my own Clueless Goth look but I just can’t get dressed today due to extreme lethargy, depression, and antibiotics.  Thank you, Marie, Enna, Angelica, Lois-Elizabeth, Athif, HelOnWheels, and Redhead Fashionista for your team spirit and for sharing your creativity! xoxoxo

I need this goat fur skirt because __________________.

$924 at Shopbop.

I was thrilled to see these images at Rackk and Ruin, from the NYT Style magazine. I’m calling this look Nomadic Bag Lady.

I think we can all effect this look without having to buy anything new. If you put on everything you own, and just drag around the leftovers or tie it around your waist, voila! Fall 2010!

At most, you might have to buy a scrap of fur if your old man isn’t a taxidermist. But compared to last year when you had to buy an embarrassing band jacket, this look is frugaltastic, if not exactly effortless.

Anyone wishing to rock/kill this look, send me a photo and I’ll feature it in a follow up post.

Complete this sentence:

“I would wear this fur thing if ______________”

(Shopbop $396)

Remember how rad you felt when you found out that Gnarlitude’s Old Man was learning to be a taxidermist? Well, how stoked are you to see this picture of him working on these dead coyotes! No wonder she’s so proud. This is both totally rad and totally sick.

In other rad Gnarlitude news, she was completely stoked when her Old Man got her this green monkey fur coat from her very good pals at Ksubi.

How sick is this?!?

If only coyotes were green….that would be so fucking rad!

Order now from here.  Or just scream “EEOOW!”

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