Godammit, I’m Mad!

Some helpful readers have alerted me to the Gala Darling wish list at Amazon.com, and it has been a revelation. Here I thought those wish lists were for books you wanted to read.

The list of 348 items that Gala wants is as brazen as Gala herself.   It includes cosmetics, chocolate, a personal laser hair remover ($448), magazine subscriptions, soda, and oddly enough, books.

The books are deeply offensive to a literary snob like myself, so don’t make me list them. Let me just say that I’m tempted to fulfill her wish for a copy of “The Haunted Vagina” but I can’t justify spending $7.95 for a moment of perverse satisfaction.

I still can’t understand the appeal of this Gala person, aside from reveling in her awfulness. She makes me feel squeamish.   The wish list business suggests a new level of shamelessness that I hesitate to even explore.

But if wish lists are okay for bloggers, I want one too. Here are the preferred items:

1. New roof (somewhere between $4000 and $7,000)   Nice to have before the next rainfall!
2. Pay my medical bills from hip fracture, $2,200
3. Pay my auto insurance and gas bills.
4. Nordstrom bill minimum payment $35
5. Facial filler $600 +

Oh god, this list is no fun, no wonder I’m never invited to blogger conferences!

Gala may not want your comments but she wants a shitload of merchandise. Feel empowered to leave her a comment here.   I will go first:

Dear Gala Darling, What the hell is your deal?! Why all the icky self-help books when I thought you were a self-help guru yourself? Why the hair-removal? Why the pink? And what’s up with the Nubby Twiglet? No offense, but don’t you guys have mirrors? Sorry about all the questions, just ignore them if you want, cuz I’m not gonna buy you anything, ever. Love, SW

President Abdoulaye Wade celebrated Senegal’s 50 years of independence by commissioning a gigantic bronze Soviet-style monument that cost $27 million and was built by workers from North Korea.

Wade calls it a monument of The African renaissance, but critics call it the work of a power-drunk president, who has announced that he will collect 35% of the revenue generated by the monument because “it was his idea.”

Thank you to Braindance for alerting me to this week’s cunt! She has made me realize that I know more about Demi Moore’s body issues than I do about world events.

With 54% of his countrymen living below poverty level, Wade has chosen to indulge himself with a hideous, sexist monument to stupidity, corruption and egomania. I know we can all agree that he’s a complete fucking cunt.

For a long time, I’ve been thinking about introducing some of my more obscure Objects of Hatred, for anyone interested in post-graduate Hating. I’m talking about raising the bar for those who seek more people to hate besides Chloe Sevigny or Selma Blair. That kind of hating is child’s play, after all. Everyone hates those two, it doesn’t take any brains or discernment.

My first Object of Hatred in this advanced curriculum is the one and only horror known as Liz Goldwyn. She is the granddaughter of film mogul Samuel Goldwyn and therefore has a huge trust-fund. She has used her buying power to divest eBay and the auction houses of all the best vintage gowns on the market.

So unrelenting is her hunger for more vintage finery that she courted some aging burlesque artists in order to get to their priceless spangled costumes. In her documentary about them, she pretends to have some kind of sociological interest in stripping. What she really wants is to get her hands on the clothes. The best part of the documentary is when a savvy old stripper tells her to forget about getting any of her outfits. She sees right through the horrible greed and manipulation.

I hated Liz Goldwyn before the documentary and I hate her each time I see her name. She recently “sourced” some crappy vintage sweater clips for the shop Opening Ceremony in Los Angeles. When I saw them, I sneered to the sales person, “Did you know you can get these at the VIntage Fashion Expo for around ten or fifteen dollars?” Liz has priced them at something outrageous but I’ve forgotten the figure.

Now to make matters worse, I’ve come across a video clip of Liz visiting the guest house of Tony Duquette, a brilliantly over-the-top designer whose close friend Hutton Wilkinson manages the Duquette estate. If you watch the video, you can see how much Liz wants to keep the jewelry Wilkinson shows her.

She has ‘designed’ her own jewelry for Barneys, and it looks like Duquette-on-a-budget. I fucking hate her. Too much money in the hands of an acquisitive narcissistic bitch like Liz Goldwyn makes the world a tiny bit worse for the rest of us. She has plundered the earth’s finite stores of Vintage treasures, and now she’s messing with Tony Duquette.

I hate Liz Goldwyn and now you can, too!