Godammit, I’m Mad!

What, the RNC spent $150,000 on Mrs. P’s wardrobe?!?!?!

How can you spend that much money and still look like trailor trash?! Most of it was spent at Saks and Neiman Marcus, but all I can see are a bunch of tight black skirts, fitted jackets and cheap looking boots.  She definitely has her own style, which might be described as Small Town PTA Lady, or Middle Aged Beauty Queen.  Why can’t she look at some photos of Jackie Kennedy? Her awful fashion sense makes you forgive Hillary Clinton for her pantsuits. At least she didn’t rely on her sluttiness to distract people from what came out of her mouth.

Today, Mrs. P insisted for at least the forth time that the Vice President “is in charge of the United States Senate Senate.” Also too, if I am so privileged to keep typing, she swindled Alaska by spending $21,000 to fly her daughters around on government business, taking them to events where they weren’t invited and clearly had no function to perform.

Mrs. Palin, no no no no no! We don’t want any more of you!

No top lip, no fashion sense, no brains, no ethics, no shame, no nothing. Give Trig to Jan, let Bristol finish high school, get Track in rehab, send Willow to a family in Nigeria where she can experience maternal love, and sell Piper to the Gypsies while she’s still cute.

Ma haine dure.

*UPDATE: Watch Palin in the new extended Swimsuit Competition video! UGH!

Dear Madge,

I’ve always hated you but for once you’ve made me happy.  First, because while posing for a picture of my big biker boots, I realize that I’m five years older than you and I never exercise. Ha ha, all that time and torture, you could have been sitting around on your ass and still look okay!

Much more important, Madge, you announced your divorce just when this great country of our needs an intervention. The election is ruining our days and haunting our dreams. Nothing short of your break-up with Guy could have diverted my attention from the horror that is John McCain and Mrs. Palin. Just this short break from the every day grind of fear and loathing has been a tonic!

I’ve been longing for this divorce since the day you got married. It proves that you can’t just move into an English manor and adopt a silly accent and expect people to forget what an annoying egomaniac you are. You’ve got half a billion dollars and you still can’t figure anything out! All Guy wanted was to get to make his gangster movies and have a couple of pints at night with his mates, but no, you couldn’t let him be happy.

You had to go fill your cheeks up with Sculptra and steal a black baby and run around in your leotard instead of turning your attention to poor Guy. You had to spend every day with Gwyneth in the gym, bitching about fame and making her lose weight. You had to make everybody go all Kabbalah, even your innocent kids, and then you had to go and fuck a married baseball player.

FIne, we know how much you love Latinos and sports stars but Madge, you ruined Guy’s reputation as a director and then you made him fly to New York to pretend things were cool! What is it exactly that you want, besides big muscles and and Ed Hardy tracksuits?

Whatever it is, I hope you never get it. You’ve been a constant irritant in the oyster of my life, without producing one single pearl, unless you count my abiding hatred as a precious gem. I’ve hated you through every one of your phases, and I know I’ll hate you in perpetuity. If the sun rises, I’ll hate you, is what I’m trying to say.

Thank you Madonna for letting us change the subject, however briefly, and for teaching us the true meaning of schadenfreude.

Look at these amazing little purses by Natalie Brilli. Gazing at them, I completely forgot that I’m sick of skulls. I would hate to have to choose between them. In fact, I need everything she’s ever designed, even the black leather skateboard. Every piece is a work of art.

As an admitted lover of fur, I found my self vaguely disgusted by this fur ‘helmut’ by Rachel Comey.

It’s made of 100% baby alpaca. We are assured that it’s “made from alpaca that died of natural causes”. Somehow, that doesn’t sound good to me. If the animals were babies, why did they die? Were they sick? I wouldn’t want to wear anything made from a sick dead baby animal.

It just goes to show how we don’t always respond to marketing. Another example is the use of older women to sell us skin products. Ugh. Or Gwyneth Paltrow shilling for Estee Lauder and Tod’s. The ads with Gwyneth say to me “I’m too lazy to act in movies now, so here’s how I’m making money!”

I saw Gwyneth on Oprah the other night, and she stated proudly that she was very involved in her children’s lives. Hahaha! As though she deserved a medal. Fucking Gwyneth! When she started praising Madonna’s “wisdom,” I changed the channel. Is anyone else bothered by Gwyneth? I actually find her more annoying that Keira Knightley.

*PAP Smear bonus! Here is a clip of the First Dude trying to read!

Today, Queen Marie discussed her hatred of Keira Knightley and I was excited to find that we share this bias. Shared biases are as pleasurable as shared enthusiasms….sometimes more.

To be fair to Queen Marie, I don’t think she used the word “hate.” Most people save this word for special occasions but not Sister Wolf. Ma haine dure, remember?

So because I’m a little tired and braindead, I thought I would offer up a little explosion of hate for the weekend. Let’s call it a Festival of Hate. Okay, here we go.

1. Keira Knightly

2. Kate Hudson

3. Jessica Simpson

4. John McCain

5. Chloe Sevigny

6. Lou Dobbs

7. Sarah Silverman

8. Blake Incarcerated

9. Dr. Phil

10. Mischa Barton

11. Maroon 5

12. Christy Turlington

13. Eric Clapton

14. Eva Longoria

15. Jude Law

This is just a fraction of the people I hate, and I didn’t include my favorites like Selma Blair or Robin Williams.  I also hate girls who wear hats like that awful girl is wearing in the photo.

Nominations for a new list?