This typically ugly “hiker wedge bootie” by Jeffrey Campbell is called Dammit. I have to wonder if it’s their way of rewarding me for tirelessly spreading the joy of the Jeffrey Campbell aesthetic around the world.
However! If this piece of shit is a tribute to Sister Wolf, I reject it, with all due appreciation.
They can do much, much better, as we know all too well. For example:
Dammit is right! It’s like they didn’t even try!
Fuckers.
At last we can go hiking with the assurance of a twisted ankle. Thanks Jeff!
I was going to pose the question, “These boots would be good for ___”, but Net-a-porter has already explained it!
“LD Tuttle’s open-back taupe leather boots exude directional downtown cool.”
So the mystery is solved. They are good for for exuding directional downtown cool. I never would have guessed in a million years!
Net-a-porter $550
Suede boots with shearling trim and a contrasting rib-knit shaft.
Ugh, fine, fur and knit for warmth…..but why the open toe?!
Anyone who buys these boots ($1,300 Guiseppe Zanotti for Thakoon) is out of her fucking mind.
He thought I’d make fun of this “sock boot” by combining a lace-up shoe with a folded-over top and a knee high boot. And he was so desperate to get a reaction from me that he even added a silver metal toe thing.
No dice, Alex. I’m not taking the bait. You’ll have to get someone else this time. ($925 at Shopbop)
A thoughtful girl named Lauren sent a link to these achingly ugly monstrosities by our friend Al Wang. They’re at Opening Ceremony for only $925. The description begins: “alexander wang knows a thing or two about what a girl wants.”
What would that be, Al? Terrifying footwear covered with hair?
(I want to thank Lauren for this distraction, because I am really struggling. I have been reading about grief and it doesn’t help. Knowing what’s normal doesn’t make it easier. I can’t see a way out of this. Finding solace in The Stupid and Awful is my only coping mechanism.)
Sometimes it’s not enough to wear fierce boots that you can barely walk in and that make your feet look like hooves. Sometimes, you need horseshoes on the soles in order to get that Fuck, Yeah look.
Here’s how Style Noir describes these boots:
“Continuing our fetish theme this month, we bring to you possibly the most insane, yet visually stunning heels we’ve seen in a very long time. Forget surreal heels, these bad boys out-do anything you’ve ever seen before.”
Wow. “Bad boys,” “insane.” Ready to go on?
“We have simply fallen in love with these. Imagine these teamed with tribal fashion, fur and a serious sense of attitude. Could anything look better?”
I actually think something could look better, but that’s just me.
At first glance, the Obscene Boot by Jeffrey Campbell looks like an almost acceptable knock-off of those stupid thigh high garter boots by Prada. But then….
the horror of the side view! Jesus! This kind of thing could cause a cardiac arrest.
Somewhere, there’s a fashion blog with a photo of these boots and a caption saying “Love! Must have.”
What can one say about this atrocity, which features genuine ocelot fur? Although, now that I look some more, I can see J Lo wearing these, can’t you?
*This is the last time I will use Jumped the Shark. From now on, it’s “Jumped the Topshop Jacket.”
