“This cotton skirt features a camouflage yoke and multicolored, eco-messaged embroidery. Topstitched snap-flap pockets at hip and paint-spattered snap-flap pockets at sides. Hidden zip and snap closures at front. Drawstring at waist and at asymmetrical bottom hem.”
Whatever.
This skirt would look good with ______________.
$253 at Shopbop, by Prps.
Here is the newest “Lita” by Jeffrey “Laughing his ass off” Campbell.
The Exclusive Black Shag. At Karmaloop. (Nickie Frye found them)
Jane, before you say no, hear me out. These shoes would show that you are a Man of the People, you know, like Evita! You could revel in how ironically awful they are, while scratching your itch to spend money and totter around hoping not to fall.
I think the possibilities are endless with these shoes.
Besides scaring the shit out of people, you could also _____________________.
*Who can finish this sentence?? Feel free to use “voluminous.”
WHY?
Forget about the crimes of concept and execution. (i.e., the fact that they even exist.)
Why the fuck are these awful pants called “Strapless Jumper?” Aren’t they already baffling enough?
It’s like they’re trying to kill me.
$187 at RevolveClothing.
(That’s how Solestruck describes this new creation by style butcher Jeffrey Campbell.)
I like how this view features chipped toenail polish!
But the very best thing of all is the strict directive: “Limit 3 per customer.“
I know, you thought it was two shoes but it isn’t. Here is the explanation at Solestruck:
“Can you handle the insane amount of ferocity in this Jeffrey Campbell XXL?? There is so much going on, it’s hard to focus on anything except how KILLER this shoe is! Futuristic, animalistic, and over-the-top hot, this one is for all the wild cards out there! Featuring leather upper, suede cutouts, cheetah print, and a mirrored architectural mirrored wedge heel. Pick yourself off the floor and get this shoe before it’s gone for good! 4 3/4″ heel, 1 1/2″ platform. Leather upper and man made sole.”
God. Now what??
The shoes at Saks.com are like a festival of roadkill.
I’ve always loved fur but something about this footwear trend is making me gag. I wonder how dogs react when they see these things approaching? I’ve tried to decide which pair above is the ugliest, but it hurts to dwell upon them.
On a related note, I am stuck with my Kate Moss Groupie Coat, since no one on ebay was astute enough to buy it from me.
There is no fucking way I’m going to wear this coat and look like a Chanel Yeti or anything of that ilk. I bought it last year in a moment of delirium.
What can I do to make this coat better? I’m thinking of cutting it off to make a short jacket. Is this good or not good? Would I need to hem it? Because I can’t handle that.
Should I add some color with paint or sharpies or something?
I could run a huge contest called “Fuck Up My Coat” and post all your ideas on Flickr, but no, that’s not how I roll. Just let me know if you have a suggestion.
If someone wearing these jeans came galloping toward me, I’d have a stroke. Don’t they remind you of a satyr from Greek mythology? Or are they just hideous? (Cheap Monday, $87 at Shopbop)
Less Dionysian but grotesque in its own right is this suede number that would probably look more acceptable with the butt cut out, at least for a gay rodeo. (Haute Hippie, $695, Shopbop)
Stupid and laughable, yes, but I know a trend when I see one. I’m going to call this look “Tragic Mountain Goat” unless someone’s got a better idea.
These two women can tell us how to dress because _______________.
