Godammit, I’m Mad!

If you’ve been following the Republican debates, you have been amused, nauseated, and enraged. You have probably shifted in your ranking of which candidate is the stupidest or most repugnant. It’s almost like watching The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills: You think Camille is the biggest cunt but wait, it’s Kyle!

I hate Mitt Romney. I really fucking hate him. I can’t stand his repressed anger and his conman demeanor. The thought of Mitt Romney as President is horrifying.

Newt is a bastard, Perry’s a moron, Santorum is a douche, Ron Paul is nuts and Jon Huntsman is just clueless (or he wouldn’t keep reminding people that he speaks Chinese.)

I am asking because I genuinely want to know: Which contender do you hate the most, and why?

The Los Angeles County Museum of Art has acquired, in its wisdom, a 340 ton granite boulder that will form the centerpiece of Michael Heizer’s massive outdoor sculpture, “Levitated Mass.”

LACMA director Michael Govan points out that the huge rock is “only part of the sculpture,” which requires the construction of a subterranean slot upon which steel rails will support the rock, I mean the sculpture.

“The largest part of the sculpture is the negative space, the channel in the landscape,” he says. “It has its own independent sculptural presence. The marriage of these two forms comprises the sculpture.”

When was the last time you got to hear the term “negative space” used without facetiousness?

Anyway,  the logistics of moving this huge rock are a nightmare. A company that moves “extreme objects” has been hired to figure out how to do it.  Some utility lines, street lights and stop lights will have to be taken down by the local area’s utility companies as the boulder passes through crowded urban areas, and the route the rock will take can’t be confirmed until permits are cleared.

At a cost of somewhere between $5 and $10 million dollars, this is a coup for LACMA.  Michael Heizer, the artist, is best known for “Double Negative,” the 1,500-foot-long land sculpture he cut into a desert mesa in a remote section of southern Nevada.

Breathtaking, isn’t it? To quote Heizer: “There is nothing there, yet it is still a sculpture.” So true.

As we ponder the meaning of art, the suffering of Sisyphus, and the value of ten million dollars, let us not forget that people are idiots.

I’m excited about (i.e. dreading) tonight’s debate among the Republican presidential candidates.  For those of you who plan to watch, what’s the drinking word??

“Filming began Tuesday on “Oz: The Great and Powerful,” the star-studded new-spin prequel to “The Wizard of Oz,” in Michigan, Disney announced. James Franco takes the lead as the young pre-Wizard, a magician who finds himself cast off into Oz. There he meets a sparkling group of sister witches — both good and bad — in Rachel Weisz as Evanora, Michelle Williams as Glinda and Mila Kunis as Theodora, and alongside his assistant, played by Zach Braff, he finds himself further and further immersed into the magical land.”

Fuckers!!!!

Intensify your disgust by reading the studio press release.

Today I went out to a mall and ordered a cup of normal coffee. As I walked away with my small black coffee, I heard a woman order a no-foam non-fat decaf extra-hot latte. I think there might have been one more requirement but I can’t remember it. This underscores the fact that I’m way too stupid to get work as a barrista.

Why the fuck do people have such perfectionist needs when it comes to coffee?! What the hell is wrong with these people?? Why do they feel so entitled to reel off a string of  detailed instructions for a cup of coffee, that another human being has to then prepare TO THE LETTER?!?

I would be mortified to appear this fussy about anything. Why aren’t these coffee prima donnas embarrassed?

My own theory is that they didn’t get enough of Mommy’s attentive pampering so now they’re going to take it out on some helpless coffee server who can’t spank them or send them to their room.

Let’s hear your theory.

Here is a photo posted on a popular style blog today. The others in the series were NSFW. The handful of comments were enthusiastic.

A light finally went on in my head.

It’s the fucking decadence that I hate! Not really hipsters in general so much as the ones promoting decadence.

Nipple rings,  blurred sexuality, tattooes, shaved heads, pseudo bondage, jaded topless girls with cigarettes, Gareth Pugh this and Gareth Pugh that, it’s all so tragic and played out.  There’s just nowhere to go with this shit.

I’m aware that young people must shock their elders. But it seems like too many people aren’t growing out of it. I don’t want to call out bloggers because it’s not their fault. They’re just deluded. The images they’re purveying have been around in some form for centuries, but now it’s so joyless and commercialized. Just take it away.

I’ve been scrolling through paintings of angels and religious allegories for hours, trying to elevate my soul through beauty and sincerity but it’s hard to find a strong enough antidote to the sadness of everything tonight.

Just to keep hipsters in the loop, though, please enjoy this:

I started reading Jezebel.com when they reported on Terry Richardson’s bad behavior, earlier this year. I was really impressed by the muck-raking spirit of the writer, who followed the story with several updates.

One was about how awesome Tavi was to openly condemn Richardson on her blog. I wrote to the author to whine that I had blogged about Richardson weeks before Tavi did, but she graciously ignored me.

I wanted to at least get in on the comment action, so I typed into the comment box, innocently thinking that mere mortals could state their opinions.  But no, far from it! I’ve been meaning to share this discovery for ages, so here, let Jezebel explain it to you in their own words:

How do I get approved to comment?

We only approve the comments we love—so make sure you’re adding something of quality to the post. Stay on-topic and seek to further the conversation. Leave us a juicy story on the #tips page or throw your hat into the ring of our open forums.

If we approve your comment, your username and password will be activated and you’ll be able to login and comment freely from then on (or at least until you get banned).

Do you have any tips for auditioning?

Leaving multiple high-quality comments on different threads with your newly created account increases your chances of getting approved.

Show your stuff—make your audition a worthy addition. “Firsts!”, “yays” and “nays” will be summarily ignored. See Lifehacker’s Guide To Weblog Comments for suggestions on how to begin.

We value intelligent contributions, respect for community etiquette, good grammar, and not feeding the trolls. Proper use of punctuation, capitalization and time taken in typing will earn you extra points. Ignoring any of the above will subtract considerably.

Whoa! Life is too short to spend time auditioning to comment at Jezebel, don’t you think?

This Hermes Birkin bag is available at 1st dibs for $85,000. Can we figure out why?

You could get this pink one for only $65,ooo.  That’s a whopping savings of $20,ooo. But maybe you’d feel like a cheapskate if you bought the pink one.  Why quibble about $20,000 when you’re shopping at this level? Grey Himalayan Crocodile says you really care. It says “Classy!”

But!

You could have this blue one for only $12,500! With your savings, you could buy a luxury car or feed all the orphans in Haiti. But now the blue one looks like crap, right? Who wants a crap Birkin bag?

I’d love to hear women justifying the purchase of a Birkin bag, or any bag that telegraphs wealth. “It’s so iconic!” “It’s an investment!” “I’ve always wanted one!”

The only honest explanation is that some consumer goods signify status to other consumers. Other women will admire and envy your wealth, or so you think.

How much of an asshole do you have to be to buy one of these stupid bags?!? It’s almost unfathomable. The only people who would be impressed would be other assholes. If Louis Vuitton made bags that didn’t look like Louis Vuitton bags, would anyone buy them?

From now on, when you see someone wearing anything with a big, high-end logo, point at them and laugh, “HAHAHA, Chanel!” (or Prada, YSL, Dior, whatever.)

Sister Wolf Says:  Even a tiny act of subversiveness can brighten your day.

The exclusive Sister Wolf Samurai Award is only for heroes, so you won’t be surprised that the newest recipients are the partners of DI$COUNT.

Cami and Nadia are fashion designers but much more. They had the courage to move to Thailand from their home in Australia, only to find themselves in the middle of a violent political clash. They were forced to flee to safer ground but their spirits are unbroken.

Last week, they posted a sharp and gleeful parody of Luxirare, an internet sensation known for striking but relentless branding.

They’ve replied congenially to people who scolded them for being “negative” and/or jealous. They’ve explained that they were blocked (and thus essentailly banned) from Luxirare’s website.

Here are two issues that won’t go away:

1. If you accept comments, should you censor them?
2. Is it bad etiquette to mock another blogger?

Personally, I think the answers are obvious: NO and NO, respectively.

As for parody, it is an art form. Nadia and Cami executed their parody with wit and style. It’s hard to see how it could be improved upon. If you don’t understand parody or satire, go see Spinal Tap again. Many years ago, The New Yorker ran a parody of Time Magazine, mocking their formulaic, awkward syntax. No one in those days would be so idiotic as to deem this effort “negative.” Why are people today such big babies??

Nadia and Cami are talented, passionate, funny, warm and as an added bonus, beautiful. They are Challenging the Paradigm, as Faux Fuchsia would say. They are Samurai and they rule.

In recent days, two idiots nice individuals have cited my hatefulness as a moral flaw in my nature (not to mention my blog.)  I will point out yet again that the title of this blog is “Godammit, ‘m Mad! and I’m Getting Madder,” not “Look What I Love.”

However, just to remind anyone who doesn’t know what a fucking cornucopia of love I am, here is a list of fifty people I love, in the order they popped into my brain:

Patti Smith, William Borroughs, Van Morrison, Vermeer, William Bouguereau, Aretha Franklin, Thomas Hardy, Elvis Costello, Edith Wharton, Flaubert, Emmylou Harris, Gram Parsons, Kingsley Amis, Mervin Peake, Johnny Depp, Ingrid Bergman, Chris Rock, Richard Feinman, Arthur Lee, Bob Dylan, George Eliot, Amy Winehouse, Denton Welch, Balzac, Vivienne Leigh, Brigitte Bardot, Prince, Amanda Palmer, Donna Summer, Paul Erdos, Frida Kahlo, Bert Jansch, Fred Neil, Iris Murdoch, Joan Armatrading, Tolstoy, Otis Redding, Ravi Shankar, Oscar Wilde, Karen Horney, Derek & Clive, Neil Young, Tim Buckley, Leonard Cohen. Robert DiNiro, Alice Miller, Yukio Mishima, Ricky Gervais, Larry David, Tony Duquette.

See?

Now, who do you love that I should love too?