Godammit, I’m Mad!

This is a painting Honeypants found. I love their expressions. Here’s another picture: Mrs. P meets the President of Columbia.  She took the hive to new heights in his honor.

As you can see, she has just offered him a sexual favor, and he’s looking around to see if anyone’s watching.

I’m really too tired tonight to deal with politics.  Let’s just look at other stuff. Here’s some nice jewelry.

The necklace is around $200 and the earrings are $3,600 at Vivre.  It’s nice to think about jewelry before you go to sleep. If that doesn’t work, I try male models, like Poncho here, who is 6′5″. ‘Night, Poncho!

No, but I look like one, posing on the commode wearing my breathtaking birthday necklace from Queen Marie!

This photo says to me, “WWII-Era Italian Prostitute” and yet in reality Sister Wolf is a very contemporary woman with a necklace that spells CUNT. How much do I love this necklace? I think that’s obvious.

I have to go to San Francisco to go turn 55. While I’m Away From My Desk, feel free to leave your birthday wishes and/or insults.

Long Live Our Queen Marie!

I usually hate jewelry with affirmative words on it, like “peace” or “soul” but when I saw this bracelet I stopped in my tracks. Why didn’t I think of this before! My purpose on earth is to provoke. It is probably the one word that most describes my personality.

This bracelet by Aurora Lopez-Mejia is hand-stamped 22k gold, and it looks nice and chunky. I would love to see it on my wrist!  However, I would like my credit card balance to go down, not up.

As you see in the photo of Sister Wolf age sweet sixteen, provoking has always been a priority. At present, I am provoking some misogynist losers on another blog, where some angry man told me to “Go do the dishes!”

Hahaha! What an idiot. Everyone knows that my husband does the dishes, because he’s the one who likes them clean.

In the old days, I provoked some guy on mySpace  into wanting to shoot me. It was much funnier than it sounds, I can assure you.  What is more fun that provoking (besides sex, eating and shopping?)

Moss is a design store with a great online shop full of stuff to drool over or laugh at or both. I love this necklace by Katja Prins, called Bound by Blood.  It “represents prayer necklaces from differing religions, and is stained in red to represent the blood that has been shed in the name of religion.” Amen.

What I really want from Moss is this set of exquisite dolls, called “les bebes du monde.” In fact, I need them.  Only three months till my birthday!

I don’t know much about that Eckhart Tolle character beyond the facts that he writes best-sellers, Oprah likes him and his name is funny. But I feel a seething hatred brewing for The Power of Now.

I just landed on a blog called Evolving Beings, which purports to ’share wisdom and spiritual enlightenment.’ I patiently read a long post about someone deciding to rid herself of her jewelry collection. She goes on and on about how your “stuff” is really dead weight, just a product of materialism, not essential to Who You Really Are. So I’m reading and reading and then I get to the part where she takes the jewelry to a pawn shop and sells it for a fraction of what it’s worth.

What the fuck?!

Please join me in thinking, What a crock of shit!  Is selling your jewelry a way to rid yourself of the burden of materialism? And to a pawn shop! A business that profits off the misery of the desperate? Why didn’t this Spirituality Seeker just donate her jewelry to a charity? In my own neighborhood, there are thrift-shops that benefit AIDS, cancer research, drug rehabilitation and homeless shelters.

Godammit, I am enraged by this example of hypocrisy and stupidity. I hereby launch my own movement called The Power of Not Now™ . You heard it here first. You can join up today, or you can wait until I devise its 5 Sacred Tenets. The first will be (duh!) “Why do now what you can put off until later?”

The second will be “Hang on to Your Jewelry!”

I love this necklace! It would make a thoughtful gift for a newly divorced friend, and the online store also has an anatomically correct heart charm with a dagger to stick in it.

You can never have too much jewelry, as long as it’s expensive, vintage, or disturbing.

Who wouldn’t want this eye-catching bird’s nest bracelet? It’s made of sterling silver and brass wire, a real statement piece according to Vivre, where you can find the most decadent items for the moneyed classes. It’s only $1,035.

I also like these “gold-plated” jeans from Vivre, which are treated with an 18K gold painted finish. They’re $875.

Easter isn’t a big deal at my house any more, but it used to be. I would sneak into the kids’ rooms late at night with a basket full of goodies. I’ll always remember the time my son, around 8 years old and a headbanger, played a Motley Crue tape for one of his friends, who asked where he got it. My son said casually, “The Easter Bunny.” I held my breath. And the friend replied “Cool.”

Vivienne Westwood now offers you the Penis Drop Pendant, for only $138!  You could wear it with the Penis Cufflinks, if that’s not too much penis for you.