Godammit, I’m Mad!

I plan to avoid any look devised by Alexander Wang, including this disturbing boot. Each time I see it, I feel upset. It looks like a shoe giving birth to another shoe, and that’s not something I want to dwell upon. Or perhaps it’s a bit like a parasitic twin, a subject I actually enjoy but not as portrayed by this shoe.

I will be skipping the long side braid, too. Anyone I come across who has a long braid falling over one shoulder will be instantly assessed as a tragic fashion victim. If you’ve been wearing your hair this way for years, fine. Just carry a dated photo with you.

Alexander Wang says two things to me: Erin Wasson and Rumi. I cannot extract him from these muses or whatever they are. He’s dead to me.

Another trend to avoid is the New Military Look. Not the old Military Look that features the horrible marching band jacket a la Michael Jackson. The NEW Military Look is all about army surplus-looking stuff in olive drab or khaki. How many times must we resort to stupid uniforms? Just wait until you can’t find skinnies* (*sorry!) because they’ve been replaced by cargo pants.

Watch out for the stylized Cat-eye Sunglasses, once again instigated by Alexander Wang and coveted by all the blogger girls. The correct response to a picture of the $325 AW version is  “love.” Just the one word. Of course you want a pair, but try to resist. Sure all the kids  are doing it, but if Jimmy said to jump off a cliff, would you do that too?

Tribal, digital prints, clogs, what other important trends am I missing? The only one that works for me is Leather, because In Leather is Truth. (Something Something Veritas.)

I believe that Bottega Veneta had me in mind when they designed this suit for fall 2010. If they would now kindly hand it over, I would be eternally grateful.

Inspired by the mom-woman and her what-I-wore pictures, I’ve decided to share my carefully curated collection of Black Jackets.  I only had time for five of them. Believe me, this is just  the tip of the Black Jacket Iceberg. The jacket above is a leather jacket by Rachel Roy, around 4 years old. Check out the peplum thing in the back.

Here’s a wool motorcycle jacket and notice how I didn’t use “moto” in my description.

Here’s another wool motorcycle jacket that’s kind of quilted and shorter.

This one is a cashmere jacket by Richard Tyler…my very first eBay purchase. It has a beautiful embroidered lining in peach satin.

Here is the Plein Sud jacket that I got at the UCLA Cancer Thrift Shop a few years ago. I once used it to sit on at a Patti Smith concert at the pier, that’s how awesome I am.

Would you like to see some more Black Jackets? There are two more leather ones, two cotton ones, and I’m afraid to  remember if there are others.

What the hell is wrong with me? (Oh shit, I just remembered the Ann D. jacket I got from Yoox.com!) How many times do you have to buy the same thing before you feel satisfied, you know what I’m saying?

Or maybe it’s my life’s work to curate Black Jackets? I hope not.

Now tell the class what item you are doomed to keep buying. And if you choose to gush over any of my jackets, please call me “Judy”, just for fun!

I came across this picture of a Nature Girl With Lesbian Stick while browsing at twistedlamb, a blog with a very strong sensibility I’ll call Pagan Hipster. It involves S & M, sexual ambiguity, Goth glamor and a whiff of bestiality. It’s the work of a stylist who manages to find strikingly sinister images that often attract and repel, without just relying on leather and spikes.

When can we call for a moratorium on leather and spikes? It’s like every sex-shop since the beginning of time has spewed its merchandise all over the fashion industry, leaving moto-this and moto-that everywhere. Enough, for godsake! The backlash is bound to be a return to modesty and preppy cleanliness. I think I’m ready for it.

Looking around the fashion blogs, I see how many are basically a collection of images, sometimes punctuated by a collage of “Stuff I Love!” or “Things That Inspire Me!” Kate Moss,  Bridgette Bardot, Anita Pallenberg, and Jane Birkin are the usual style muses, then there’s some obscure Death Metal Band or European poet.

I’m more inspired by people like Tragic Fashion Boy, who makes a bold new statement with red (thanks to andrea for the tip!)

For some reason, even though he evokes my maternal instinct, I just can’t imagine being his mother. But in the photo below, I feel he is talking to his mom. Am  I right?

Who is he talking to, and what is he saying?

I have a feeling that before too long, we will all be sick of this 82 year old model but for now I am pretty damn impressed. The clothes by Joanna Sykes are genuinely age defying, aren’t they? Silver leather jeans and a nude silk shirt seems like an obvious combination now that Sykes has put them together but I never would have thought of it.

This outfit looks even more beautiful on a more conventional model. What is not to love here?!? If Patti Smith could see this shit, she might even give up her customary black on black.  Patti, we are ready for a change, just this once!

I’m often annoyed at myself for getting married in gold leather pants but now I’m thinking it was a good idea after all.  This was either 8 or 9 years ago, I can never remember the exact date. If I can hang on until I’m 82, I guess I could wear them with a nude silk shirt, preferably by Joanna Sykes, who is a fucking genius.

The Youngest Wolf surprised me by announcing my birthday from the stage, during his band’s performance at a local music festival.  I was presented with this cake that he secretly made at a friend’s house.  See why it’s great to have kids?

My husband made me laugh by saying the exact same thing that made me laugh in that other photo! I look kind of like a horrible Alanis Morrisette here, don’t you think?

Killing it in a leather jacket by somebody, t-shirt by someone else, jeans too.

Can you believe this Pucci leather one-shouldered eagle dress is already SOLD OUT at net-a-porter ($4,900)?!  No sooner did it appear, when POOF, sold out. Shit.

I need to think that the person/persons who bought it are the same one/one who bought this Judith Leiber parrot,  also SOLD OUT, duh, at $5,695.

“In this economy”, it’s still so important to show your support of wildlife.

Making videos is addictive. I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!

These nail gloves by Anna Sara Dåvik were all over the place in February, but I didn’t see them until today. Now I feel bad about giving props to Dominic Jones in July for basically copying (stealing?) this idea.  The original version looks so much nicer.

Not only that, but check out these 18K gold rings by Anna Sara Dåvik. To me, this is the ultimate expression of avant garde luxury.  I love you, Anna Sara Dåvik!

I found this picture on a Swedish blog so I let Google translate the caption for me.

“A new personal favorite is Anna Sara Davik. Her whole on clothing and jewelry gives me a blowjob after having requested. I have clearly underestimated the Swedish designer.”

Ooooh! It gives me a blowjob too, sort of!  When I’m not thinking about Jewelry by Wendy Brandes and Hannah Martin, I’ll be thinking about these rings.

Have you been noticing all the l——s that combine leather and jersey? Every label has its own version, even Helmut Lang and DVF.

What do these garments say to you? To me, they are saying “I can’t afford leather so I bought these instead.” Why else would you buy them, right? That’s why they make me sad. They remind me that I can’t afford a pair of leather l——s, even though they are a key item for fall/winter.  Like any spoiled brat, I’d rather have nothing if I can’t have what I want.

To cheer my self up, I’m enjoying the sight of these “custom-distressed splattered jeans.”

“Alice + Olivia custom distresses each pair of these worn and torn jeans to look like you’ve had them forever.”

Hahaha! Would any of us see someone walk by wearing these jeans and think, “Wow, she’s had those forever?” I think it would be more like “Oh god, ugh, what next, jeans stained with axle grease and vomit“?