Godammit, I’m Mad!

When was the last time you heard the word ‘pig’ so often? When you grabbed a bay’s toes and went “This little piggie went to market…?” Or when you saw the movie “Babe?”

Recently, I was blessed with a huge squishy pig that my BFF got me for my birthday, from Squishable.com.

I love this huge piggie! Piggies are so wonderful, why must piggies be maligned by Grandpa, whose own former press secretary wrote a book called “Lipstick on a Pig?!”

Pigs are certainly nicer than rats. But for some reason I was suckered into buying some legging things called “Black Rats” by Sass and Bide, who may have been inspired by another Aussie company, Ksubi, who made news by releasing hundreds of black rats down the aisle during their first runway show in 2001.

I honestly don’t know what made me buy these things, because they are ruched from waist to toe, and will thus make me look like a fat….well, something fat. You may be wondering why I keep buying things I’ll never wear, and I can only say that shopping is about Owning and Collecting, as Vogue magazine used to explain in the 60s.

Funnily enough, I also Own and Collect red lipstick, which is My Signature.

I was thinking of posting a photo of me wearing the Black Rats, a lot of lipstick, and holding my piggie, but that would involve too much effort. Just picture it in your mind’s eye. Then, picture Grandpa turning to Mrs. P and saying proudly, “That’ll do, Pig.”

A friend gave me a heads-up to watch a documentary on BBC America called “Love Me, Love My Doll.” It focuses on some men who have ‘fallen in love’ with their life-sized dolls.  Let me say, this is nothing like “Lars and the Real Girl,” which has been ruined for me now.

After watching the documentary, I googled it. All I could find were other people who had watched it on TV and were somewhere on the spectrum between creeped-out and traumatized.

Watching it in our separate houses, my friend and I texted frantic messages back and forth, like “Oh god!” and “There is no hope.” One of the guys was really scary, because he owned some impressive firearms. If you’re reading this, scary firearms guy, we were only scared because you are so fucking AWESOME!

The men do seem to ‘love’ their dolls, who have names and personalities. The personalities are kind of compliant, if you know what I mean.

The documentary includes a visit to the factory where the dolls are made, and sold for $8,000 to $10,000. You can choose from several styles of pubic hair, and each doll comes with a “douche ball” for easy cleansing.

Had enough? Sorry.  If you want to know more, here is an essay about it at Salon.com.

On a lighter note, but also tragic in its own way, in a scene where a guy applies lipstick to his beloved doll before sending her off to be repaired, I actually recognized the lipstick!!!!  It was “Tabloid” by Prescriptives, a nice deep blue-red that has been discontinued.