Posts Tagged ‘movies’

The Butler: No

Monday, August 12th, 2013

butler

How much would it take to get you to see The Butler? For me, $500.

Before you answer, remember, it even has Robin Williams!

State your price.

 

The Crash Reel

Monday, July 29th, 2013

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Once in a while, I see a film that is so transformative, I wish I could make everyone watch it. The Crash Reel is exactly that. It is a fucking gem in every way and I want you to make every effort to see it.

The Crash Reel is a documentary about a fearless young snowboarder, Kevin Pearce, who has a terrible wipe-out just before the winter Olympics in 2010. The accident leaves Kevin with a traumatic brain injury and limitations that he refuses to accept, but ultimately lead him to advocate for people with brain injuries and other disabilities.

It’s a riveting, emotional and thought-provoking film, beautiful to watch, and filled with heart-wrenching moments that compel you to think about your own family and your own reactions to adversity.

I watched The Crash Reel twice: alone the first time, and then with my husband. The first time, I was overwhelmed by all the emotion but uplifted by all the palpable love on display. The next time, I found too many parallels in my own situation as the mother of both a dare-devil and a child with special needs. I wished that my own story was more positive. I wished that our love could have triumphed over everything.

But still, seeing that there is satisfaction in helping others is inspiring. Seeing a family pull together like this one is beautiful beyond words.

Finally, apart from all its artistry, this documentary is an effective discourse on head injuries. Be careful, and #loveyourbrain!

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Mystery of the Toynbee Tiles: Something to See

Thursday, July 5th, 2012

Resurrect Dead : The Mystery of the Toynbee tiles is an unusually compelling documentary about a young artist who becomes obsessed with solving the mystery of odd handmade tiles that began appearing randomly on streets and highways across America in the early 1980s. The tiles are mostly identical, expressing incoherent ideas about life after death on the planet Jupiter.

The artist, Justin Duerr, seeking the identity of the strange tile-maker, is himself a rare bird who left school at 16 rather than conform to his art teacher’s dream for his success. Justin’s burning desire to unravel the mystery brings him into contact with two other like-minded young internet geeks. Their methodical detective work and camaraderie are merely one aspect of this film that raises one’s hope for humanity.

The tiles and their seemingly desperate message are an arresting subject. The approach taken by filmmaker John Foy shapes a haunting story of curiosity and idealism, guerrilla art and political paranoia, and a trail of clues that lead to a well-protected secret. The yearning to understand comes smack against the yearning to be left alone.

A poignant film with a suitably dark score, it is the perfect execution of its whimsical, intensely philosophical subject matter. You feel the wonder of art itself, and the joy of pursuing a project with absolute commitment.

The James Franco Project

Wednesday, April 4th, 2012

In his quest to annoy every living being, James Franco is set to portray Robert Mapplethorpe in an  upcoming  movie project.

He will also play Hugh Hefner and the Wizard of Oz in two movies currently in post-production. But you can’t fully appreciate his work until you’ve see him play Allen Ginsberg in “Howl.” Hearing him intone Ginsberg’s poetry in his thin nasal voice, you can almost detect the rustling sound of the poet spinning in his grave.

I hope to see James Franco play Hitler, Mao Zedong, Golda Meir, Emily Dickingson,  Napoleon, Isadora Duncan, Jack Kerouac, Miles Davis,  Florence  Nightingale, Salvador Dali, Maya Angelou,   Albert Einstein, and of course, The Holy Trinity.

I can even see him playing Patti Smith opposite his Robert Mapplethorpe!

Who would you like to see James Franco take on next?

Let’s Just be Mad

Wednesday, July 27th, 2011

“Filming began Tuesday on “Oz: The Great and Powerful,” the star-studded new-spin prequel to “The Wizard of Oz,”  in Michigan, Disney announced. James Franco takes the lead as the young pre-Wizard, a magician who finds himself cast off into Oz. There he meets a sparkling group of sister witches — both good and bad — in Rachel Weisz  as Evanora, Michelle Williams as Glinda and  Mila Kunis as Theodora, and alongside his assistant,  played by Zach Braff, he finds himself further and further immersed into the magical land.”

Fuckers!!!!

Intensify your disgust by reading the studio press release.

Let’s Cast the Trial!

Thursday, June 30th, 2011

If you live in the US, I’ll assume that you’re following the Casey Anthony murder trial. If you live somewhere else, you don’t know what you’re missing!

The trial has everything you could possibly ask for, except for O. J. Simpson. Every character is compelling in his or her own way. The movie won’t be as gripping but it still has potential.

Casey herself is a real piece of work and as guilty as sin. Guilty, your honor! Duh! If Winona Ryder were still young, she would be ideal for the role of Casey. Meanwhile, I’m going to go with Ellen Page. I think she would do a great job as the sulky, sociopathic young murderess.

In the role of Cindy Anthony, I’ve cast Edie Falco.   It’s a no-brainer, right? My friend Andy would like the tragically decrepit  Ryan O’Neil as Ray Kroc, the meter reader who found the skull in the woods.   I’m leaning toward Andy Garcia as that idiot Jose Baez.

Casting suggestions, anyone??

Douglas Buck: What a Fucking Cunt™!

Tuesday, December 21st, 2010

The night before last I stupidly watched a movie called Sisters, directed by some cunt named Douglas Buck.

I admit that I missed the beginning and since it was around 2 in the morning, I was somewhat medicated, ahem. But oh my god, what a piece of shit! Surely it rates as one of the worst movies of the decade and I don’t mean the kind of bad that’s so bad it’s good.

Who is this cunt Douglas Buck and why do people give him money to make films? Before we explore this mystery, let me give you a brief rundown on Sisters:

Lou Doillon, looking more like a horse than ever, is a nutcase who all but emits NUTCASE in neon letters over her head. A doctor played by Stephen Rhea as though striving for a bad acting award, is obsessed with the horse, as is Chloe Sevigny, who plays a reporter but looks like a lesbian college freshman. Weird flashbacks crank up the confusion, and the low budget is like a whole separate character, dominating every scene, Finally, Lou or someone stabs the doctor (or someone) and Chloe puts on Lou’s cheap wig to signify that she is nuts, too.

Back to Douglas Buck, the director. His IMDB credits are pretty sketchy. A forthcoming movie called “The Theatre Bizarre” features characters called “the Writer, Homeless Woman, Junkie Girl” and “Mere Antoinette.” He is credited as one of 6 directors.  Even better, a movie he made in 2003 called “Prologue” has this logline:

A young woman returns home one year after losing her hands in a savage attack. She cannot remember who her assailant was, but a trip to the local post office leads her towards the truth.

Why, Douglas? Why are you so insistent on making awful puerile crap? Is this what you went to film school for? I can’t think of one good excuse for you unless you’re donating your fees to cancer research.   I’m not saying you should lose your hands (in a savage attack); I’m just saying you’re a fucking cunt.

Nickel and Dimed: Turn Up Your Speakers

Monday, September 6th, 2010

If you don’t have time to watch the whole excerpt from The American Ruling Class, then start at 8:03 to see Max jump out of a meat locker for a nice solo with The What band.

Andre Leon Talley: Why?

Wednesday, June 2nd, 2010

I just saw “Valentino: The Last Emperor” for the first time, and of course it is delightful. The love story, the pugs, the hair, the dresses, the excess! My favorite moment was Valentino’s emotional proclamation:

“An evening dress that reveals a woman’s ankles when she is walking is the most disgusting thing I have ever seen.”

But when Andre Leon Talley appeared, I wondered anew, What is the point of him?

Watching him in the September movie, I felt he provided comic relief but beyond that, I don’t get it. Is he some kind of mascot for Anna Wintour?

His writing is nothing special, his personal style is grotesque, he fucked up Jennifer Hudson that year at the Oscars, why is he so celebrated? Is it his enthusiasm?His height?

This is a real question.   All day long, I bombard my husband with questions even stupider, and he often responds by saying, “Why? Weren’t you at the meeting where we all learned this?”

So, whoever was at the meeting, please explain.

Not Better Than a Poke in the Eye

Wednesday, May 19th, 2010

Am I the only female on earth who doesn’t care about Sex and the City?

I don’t care about the new movie any more than I cared about the other movie, which I didn’t see. Who gives a shit about these awful women? Oh right, everyone. I tried to watch the TV series a couple of times but all it did was create arguments with my husband. I would start whining. “Oh god, eeoow, she’s so ugly!’ or “Jesus, how pretentious!” and he would reflexively defend SJP and the dialogue, both of which I found excruciating.

So, can I assume the popularity of this franchise is something to do with female friendship? Does it remind us how nice it is to have a group of girlfriends who aren’t afraid to say ‘clitoris’? Or is it just a fantasy about having lots of clothes?

Is it a comforting fable about how you can be super ugly but still considered attractive a la SJP? If I was ever going to respect SJP, I would have to reconsider after she denied having that mole removed.   She can deny that her husband’s gay if she must, but denying the mole is like insisting that we’re all blind or brain-damaged.

All I know is this: I have zero interest in seeing this movie. I hate all four actresses. I am mystified by the whole phenomenon and it took years for me to decipher the acronym SATC.

(In fact, I just learned what FLOTUS and POTUS mean!)

The only movie I want to see less than Sex and the City 2 is Killers, a romantic comedy starring Ashton “I can’t shut up!” Kutcher. If I had to choose between them, I’d just kill myself.