Even though it’s not important and it doesn’t matter, I still want to know about Angelina’s lips.  Everyone seems to accept that those lips are really real. “Just look at Shilo’s lips!”

As a teenager, above, her top lips was half the size of her bottom lip, which looks enormous.

Same here.

I showed these pictures to my husband, whose reaction was the exasperated retort: “How do I know, maybe some people’s lips get bigger when they get older!”

I love Angie for stealing Brad from Jen, and for flying around to refugee camps. But I think this is the answer to the startling impact of her face. It’s startling because she created at least two of her facial features.

Yes, no, or how dare I waste my time with such shallow concerns?

Think again.

My friend R took me to Sephora today, to replace the NARS lipstick that her dog chewed up.

And what did I see at the check-out counter but a big frightening man-woman! If only my crappy cellphone picture could do her/him justice.

My first view was from behind, as I noticed the fake black hair with the texture of a cheap Halloween wig. There was a slight Angelina Jolie aspect in the profile, due to inflated lips and a hacked-off nose.  Gigantic implants contrasted nicely with the massive, muscular arms. I should have tried to see what she or he was buying, the better to figure out what gender (if any) was being represented.

In any case, I think this is a good lesson in the perils of plastic surgery AND body building. Back in the dark ages when I lifted weights, many of the female pros had managed to turn themselves into sad parodies of men, via steroids and dieting.  It isn’t a pretty picture but clearly one’s aesthetic ideal is badly distorted by this point.

It’s much better to let nature take its course; there is a limit to how much it can mess you up.

God, I’m such a know-nothing. First I find out about “slut shaming” long after all the other sluts, and now I see there’s a movement for Vulva Diversity.

An organization called New View, whose worthy mission is to “challenge the medicalization of sex,” also launched a campaign in 2009 to celebrate genital diversity, including an arts and crafts exhibit and conference.

Here’s the deal:

“Popular knowledge about women’s vulvas comes disproportionately from commercial sources such as magazines, pornography, and on-line surgery sites that are likely to digitally alter or airbrush genital images or include only selected models. There are very very few books that feature a range of real genital photographs.

The result of this distortion and silence is widespread ignorance and genital shame which harms women and girls and results in vulnerability to ads and tv shows promoting cosmetic genital surgery.”

Shit.

Obviously, I am against cosmetic genital surgery, since I’m not insane. What a  terrible and tragic pursuit! The whole idea that there is some norm of beauty in genitalia that would induce women to willingly mutilate themselves is beyond repugnant.

However. I now realize the vast range of Vulva Diversity and I am genuinely shaken. I had no idea! Did I NEED to have an idea, though? I’m not a lesbian, so I wasn’t likely to be confronted with this much Vulva Diversity. I clicked on a “Labiaplasty” site recommended by New View and nearly fainted.

What a big baby I am! I told my husband about this before-and-after gallery and he asked me to refrain from speaking about it. He may be a big baby, too.

I’m going to give you a chance to look or not look. Want to look? Okay, click here, if you’re sure you want to.

I hope it’s safe to note that I personally am in the After category, but I see how you could feel concerned if you were in the Before category. You would wonder why your own Look was not represented in art or photos.  You might feel insecure, like the first time I saw a belly button with a big knot-thingie and wondered why mine looked so empty.

Jesus.  Does any9one have any thoughts on Vulva Diversity that are less infantile and more useful than my own?

I love it when Madge looks like this. I get a rush of endorphins that’s better than shopping or chocolate! Keep up the good work, girl!

I also love seeing before and after pix of celebrities. But not when they aim to erase their ethnicity.

I prefer Halle Berry in her high school photo. When she was black, and a girl.

What about J Lo? Doesn’t she look like Karla’s Closet in the before photo??!? In the after photo, she looks like she’s half-way to becoming Kate Moss.

Never mind. I’m going back to snicker at Madonna until the high wears off.

Courtney Love has finally triumphed over bad plastic surgery and now looks like a generic Hollywood cougar.  Kurt would be spinning in his grave if dead people could still be embarrassed.  In any case, her offenses against his memory (not to mention his child) are so ghastly that there’s no territory left for her to plunder.

What has Courtney Love ever done that was worthy of respect? Her first album was largely the product of her husband’s creative genius, and it’s been downhill ever since. She started off as a singlemindedly ambitious groupie, bagged a vulnerable rising rock star, and squandered much of his fortune on nosejobs and dope. Even her own kid can’t stand her.

I’ve just read an artful analysis of her cultural significance but the only part I agree with is that our society revels in the spectacle of public self-destruction. It’s enthralling to watch people making asses of themselves! That’s why I love those Real Housewives.

There’s also something very compelling about people who are literally shameless. Madonna comes to mind in this category. Courtney Love will tweet naked pictures of herself, blab about everyone she’s had sex with, betray all her friends and flaunt her bad spelling as though it’s her life’s work to be annoying.

Here is her best quote to date, spoken to the author of a recent profile in the New York Times:

“For years, despite having impeccable taste, I didn’t understand how to convey that I had impeccable taste.”

Oh Courtney! How frustrating that must have been!

I’m sure we’re supposed to regard her as some kind of tragic figure but it’s all the consequence of vanity and greed. Fuck her! Most people settle for one nosejob and call it a day. She’s just an awful woman who doesn’t know when enough is enough.

I was innocently reading a thing about the Beats in NYC, when I came across the name Genesis P-Orridge.

What a story! Genesis Breyer P-Orridge is an artist/provocateur who decided to turn himself into his wife, a dominatrix known at Lady Jaye. They spent $200,000 on surgery and other procedures, in an effort to turn themselves into identical beings who would then metaphorically become a Third Person. Or something.

Lady Jaye died before the project was completed but P-Orridge now refers to him/her self as “we.”

Read more here, or google his/her/their name to find more images. Or maybe everyone already knows about this, just like the ponies. No one ever tells me anything!

Reading an article about the rise in Ethnic Rhinoplasty, I clicked on a doctor’s name and Voila! His gallery of Buttock Augmentation before-and-after pictures is astounding!

Who even thinks of getting their butt augmented? It seems like it would be way down the list of an averagely vain person. But maybe that’ s just me. Maybe it will take the place of breast implants as the surgery of choice for insecure women.

Looking at these butts, I can’t help being amazed by the time and money and suffering invested in them. The pursuit of a round protruding ass seems nuts, but like much that is strange and offensive it does provide some compelling imagery. I’m going back to look at the Mommy Makeovers when I’m through with the butts.

When I saw this picture today, showing Mackenzie Phillips‘ new face, I was so excited that I sent the link to my BFF.

Apparently, Mackenzie  spent $50,000 on the new face, for laser resurfacing, cosmetic dental work, botox, etc etc. Look how much younger her face looks! See how full and fresh it looks, compared to the other face, which is clearly thinner and droopier! I felt a deeper sense of urgency about injecting my face full of Restylane and Sculptra. Not now, of course, but as soon as I can somehow get my hands on a spare thousand dollars or two.

Imagine my horror to discover that the face on the left is the OLD face! The new one is on the right, with the darker hair.

What the fuck is going on here?!? Somebody owes that poor woman an apology and $50,000.

I wonder what she sees when she looks in the mirror. Is there any way that we can see our own faces objectively?

One of my nephews once concluded after seeing Faye  Dunaway on TV: “It’s better to let nature fuck your face up than to do it artificially.”  Amen. I only hope I can remember that if I ever get rich.

I also enjoyed the newly inflated lips!

P.S. The drinking word is disconnect.