Godammit, I’m Mad!

Jesus, enough with the public confessions!

Watching the latest apology on TV tonight has been torture. Governor Mark Sanford has got to be the stupidest idiot who ever had an extra-marital affair, going on about it for a full twenty minute press conference.  He really gives politicians a bad name with this kind of behavior. I was so embarrassed for him, I had to cover my face!  He looked like he wanted to relive the entire thing on camera, even though he began by offering an apology to his wife and 4 “precious” sons.

“I could digress and say that you have the ability to give magnificent gentle kisses, or that I love your tan lines or that I love the curve of your hips, the erotic beauty of you holding yourself (or two magnificent parts of yourself) in the faded glow of the night’s light – but hey, that would be going into sexual details…”

UGH!  God, sickening.

If I’ve said it once I’ve said it a million times: DO NOT CONFESS! Even if your spouse finds you in bed with someone, deny it! Bill Clinton tried to do the decent thing and lie, but no, that wasn’t okay with Ken Starr.

Let’s say you know you’re not good at lying but you’re going to have an affair. Do everyone a favor and dispense with the immature email! I know Mrs. Sanford would rather find correspondence that got straight to the point.  “It was great to fuck you, can’t wait to do it again!” would be so much easier t live with.

Those family values types are the worst, aren’t they? Maybe they enjoy the confessing part more than the sex part. If only they could either avoid getting caught or shut the hell up.

“In a shocking display of fealty to a foreign potentate, President Obama bowed to Saudi King Abdullah at the Group of 20 summit in London last week,” declares an editorial in the Washington Times.

I am truly beginning to love conservatives! They are going NUTS over Obama’s bow to Saudi King Abdullah in London last week. The outrage is close to accusing President Obama of taking it up the ass! It must be the bend-over position that incites such conservative wrath. God bless them, they are cute when they’re mad.

They didn’t mind Bush bowing to the Pope, and they didn’t mind the romantic tryst he had with Crown Prince Abdullah.  I think they’re picking on Obama, deliberately!

For the last few weeks, Republicans have complained about how dumb that moron Obama is. Take him away from his teleprompter, they sneer, and then see what happens. This line of attack is so entertaining, I have taken to calling the President “That Dummy, Obama.”

Now we’ll have the fucking bow for god knows how long. Grow up, you big conservative babies!  And get over the fact that the US is not a “Christian nation.”

When was the last time you heard the word ‘pig’ so often? When you grabbed a bay’s toes and went “This little piggie went to market…?” Or when you saw the movie “Babe?”

Recently, I was blessed with a huge squishy pig that my BFF got me for my birthday, from Squishable.com.

I love this huge piggie! Piggies are so wonderful, why must piggies be maligned by Grandpa, whose own former press secretary wrote a book called “Lipstick on a Pig?!”

Pigs are certainly nicer than rats. But for some reason I was suckered into buying some legging things called “Black Rats” by Sass and Bide, who may have been inspired by another Aussie company, Ksubi, who made news by releasing hundreds of black rats down the aisle during their first runway show in 2001.

I honestly don’t know what made me buy these things, because they are ruched from waist to toe, and will thus make me look like a fat….well, something fat. You may be wondering why I keep buying things I’ll never wear, and I can only say that shopping is about Owning and Collecting, as Vogue magazine used to explain in the 60s.

Funnily enough, I also Own and Collect red lipstick, which is My Signature.

I was thinking of posting a photo of me wearing the Black Rats, a lot of lipstick, and holding my piggie, but that would involve too much effort. Just picture it in your mind’s eye. Then, picture Grandpa turning to Mrs. P and saying proudly, “That’ll do, Pig.”

Is it red or sort of orange or pink? As seen on my browser, I’m not quite sure about the color of this fox fur jacket but I do know I love it. I could buy it and strenuously deny that I fell for the fur vest directive, because it’s a jacket! Yay!

While we’re thinking about hard-to-describe color, look at this beautiful coat by Nanette Lepore. I’m calling it “fuschia.”  My-wardrobe.com is calling it “pink.”

I love these items and even though I’d never wear them, I am clinging to the distraction of fashion as the Republican Convention threatens to push me to the breaking point….