Godammit, I’m Mad!

I was up late watching TV with my husband when I learned that Chrissie Hynde has formed a new band.  To my horror, she was playing second fiddle, so to speak, to her new beloved, JP Jones, an annoying Welshman half her age.

In case anyone failed to notice the age difference, she warbles it in the song “Perfect Lover.” (I found my perfect lover, but he’s only half my age…) In fact, she and this guy have released an entire album of songs about their doomed relationship. Evidently, Jones wants to raise a family and at 58, Chrissie has hung up her childbearing spurs.

My husband brought home the new CD the other day, and our son asked about it. I explained, “It’s Chrissie Hynde and some douche in a hat.” My husband begged to differ, in a sharp tone. He had seen them perform that afternoon and Chrissie had autographed his CD.

Still, it’s awful. Not just awful, but so awful that I longed to jump out of the car when we had to listen to it on a ninety minute road trip. All the songs are “nakedly” autobiographical, with lyrics like “I’m old, you’re not” ” you surprised me in the bar when I decided to take you home.” It’s like reading the diary of someone you admire and finding a bunch of LOL’s and smiley face thingies.

Poor Chrissie. She is so besotted with this douche that she’s lost all judgment. These songs prove beyond a doubt that a little ambiguity is vital where pop songs are concerned, unless you’re a poet like Hank Williams Sr. It was so embarrassing to listen to this shit, I had to cover my face to endure it.

Patti Smith got herself a cute young guy and let him play in her band, in the background. Not only that, he was a babe. Chrissie, call Patti to find out how it’s done, before that douche empties your bank account!

Louise Wilson, the course director of the M.A. program at Central Saint Martins, voices a complaint in an interview with Cathy Horyn.

I think the problem is that fashion has become too fashionable. For years, fashion wasn’t fashionable. Today fashion is so fashionable that it’s almost embarrassing to say you’re part of fashion. All the parodies of it. All the dreadful magazines. That has destroyed it as well, because everybody thinks fashion is attainable.

Did you follow that? I’m not sure if I did, but if she’s saying that fashion is now available to the masses and as such it has reached a saturation point where everyone is decked out in the same “It Items.” then I totally agree.

For fall, it’s shaggy fur coats and vests, pseudo biker crap, lots of leather, sky-high heels, pre-shredded jeans and t-shirts, multiple chains, more leather leggings. We’ll all look like high-priced prostitutes and leftovers from Dallas with big padded shoulders and gaudy bling.

I’m already sick of it! It’s so tired and trite. Why even bother?

I propose three strong new looks for autumn/winter: The Saint, The Nun, and the Lady Mobster.

Christian Lacroix knows what he’s doing. This dress should inspire us to make our own saint regalia with old tablecloths and fabric flowers.  For headgear, maybe some old flamenco hair combs with lace veils.

Michelle’s gorgeous veil by Moschino surely put that Pope in his place by outdoing him in drama. Haha, Pope Ratty, now what? Her look reminds me of how beautiful women can add a new dimension of sexuality to Nun garb. If the black lace is too solemn for you, here’s a different take on Nunwear by Lust Designs.  Penny, the designer, is a doll.

Finally, there’s the Lady Mobster. Janet Jackson epitomized this look at her brother’s memorial. I have never seen her look more beautiful or commanding. She was perfection, dressed and styled by Versace.

Elegant, ladylike, tough, sexy, a look that says Don’t Fuck With Me.

There you have it, Sister Wolf’s three looks for the modern woman who’s ready to move beyond Boho fringe, rompers and Faux Rocker Chick dishevelment.