Godammit, I’m Mad!

Finally, you can dress like a nun without being one.

This is a big deal. If you’re like me, and I know you are, you know that Nun’s habits can’t just be found on eBay. That’s because they’re sacraments or something.   And the Nun outfits made for  Halloween  are crap.

Artist Julia Sherman has changed all that by designing a collection of beautiful habits, using silk and velvet as well as traditional wool. The pieces include a hooded shift, a beaded collar, and flannel harem pants. The collection is available at JF & Son. Prices are $188 to $489.

Sherman, who is Jewish, was originally commissioned to make the pieces by Mother Mary Magdalene, who had started a new Anglican Catholic order in Fort Worth. She had seen Sherman’s photos of the Nun dolls at The National Shrine of the Cross in the Woods.

I love Nuns. I have a small collection of Nunobilia that I cherish. And nothing would make me happier than to own one of these pieces by Julia Sherman, god willing, Inshallah

Read more about her here and here.

Hakaan Fall 2011.

Do you love it or do you love it??

This look from L’Wren Scott is everything I like.   Dress, model, attitude, shoes=perfect.

This dress by Deisel Black Gold would solve my leather itch, at least temporarily.

Oooh, it’s a modern Frida Kahlo from The Row!   Hate the Olsens, love their butch tailoring here.

Frank Tell neo-punk. It might be the hair that won me over but it’s a good look to wear into old ladyhood.

Rachel Comey: It’s the green boots I want, but I’d take the dress too.   Green boots will be the thing, wait and see.

Bibhu Mohapatra‘s elegant ladies with beehives and goth accessories are an aesthetically pleasing fantasy. I could never afford any of this shit but I love the retro sophistication.

This sequin cheongsam is the one item for 2011 that has stopped me in my tracks.   No shearling, no studs, no leather, no grown-up minimalism.   Just a crazy shimmering rainbow of goodness.

More here.

I was asked by the blond babe known as Rackk and Ruin what clothes I do like, so I looked through the images I’ve kept for inspiration (i.e., to make me feel sorry for myself.)

These two photos were styled by DisneyRollergirl for Reiss, and they struck me immediately as the way I want to look. Casual, tomboyish, classic with a twist.

This tartan wool biker jacket fits the same criteria. I wasn’t surprised to discover that Susie B actually owns this jacket by J.W. Anderson.

I like this Ruffian look for Fall: Ladylike tomboy with some offbet sexy elements.

I like this look from Sonia Rykeil. It combines my nun fetish with my schoolgirl fetish.

Simple soft black leather. Works with everything. Add a green leather jacket and some python boots, you’re good to go.

Just a great androgynous look I’d like to borrow. Not the hat, duh.

This painted leather jacket is the holy grail if you see it up close.   I’m letting my sister paint one of mine in the same colors and hoping it will work out.

JF and Son are   really on to something that speaks to me. Simple but dramatic,   boyish but sexy.

The shoes make this Louella outfit. Those shoes say, “Fuck you, I have silver winklepickers, bow down to me.”

Finally, just like every sucker, I’d like to imagine myself an Isabel Marant woman, carefree in butch jeans and boots with a casual $3,000 fur coat thrown on as an afterthought.

See? I’m not just about mocking bad fashion. I have my own hopes and dreams of leather, cashmere, Patti Smith, Keith Richard, Catholic schoolgirls, demure nuns and decadent furs.

Suggestions, insults, insincere compliments?

My ingenious method of self-intervention worked so well last time!

But shit, this blue fur pea-coat is perfect for me! I am rocking the shit out of it, right?!?

Since it’s $3,105 at Opening Ceremony, it’s not gonna happen. Waaaaah!

Maybe the New Shopping will be Virtual Shopping, for most of us, anyway. You can feel the thrill without the remorse. All you need is a kid with mad photoshop skills.

How do you like this draped tartan dress by McQ McQueen? If I could get away with it, I’d buy it immediately from my-wardrobe and never wear it.

Don’t argue with me about this cool collaboration between Anglomania and Lee Jeans. Look at that coppery coating on the light blue denim! It is exactly what I didn’t know I wanted but now I do. I want these jeans badly.

Imagine the insults I’d get from those commenters who think I’m too old, too anorexic, too hateful and too bitter! If I had $265 to blow on more jeans, this pair would be on its way right now. And I’d fucking rock them as well as just wear them.

Why do people want to look at those photos of pretentious-looking girls wearing important shoes with fur coats and enormous handbags? Who gives a shit! I’ve only looked at The Satorialist once and that was enough. Forget about his images; his text is nauseating!

I don’t care about him or his French girlfriend or any of those blogs that feature smug anorexics wrapped in leather or whatever is supposed to be fierce and covetable. No matter how often they’re praised as “effortlessly chic,” they look like they’ve spent half of their lives in front of a mirror.

I can’t even understand what I’m supposed to feel when I look at those pictures. Am I supposed to feel inspired, like maybe I can appropriate the Look for myself? Am I supposed to be envious? I just feel vaguely soiled from looking at them.   It’s like porn for the post-sexual consumer.   And to me, they all look the same, they’re are the same cliche, all lauded   for being original and “getting it right.” Getting it Right is my new linguistic complaint.

Fashion is still an obsession for me, obviously, with a certain amount of love-hate conflict. Here are some looks from Secret Squirrel, a brand you can find at the Australian fashion wonderland The Grand Social.   This is what I would buy if I had some money and some common sense:

It’s casual but elegant, tomboyish but okay for an old bag, much better than leather shorts or another pair of jeans.

Here’s another look from Secret Squirrel. I would feel perfectly comfortable in this for an evening out, not that I’m ever going anywhere.

You’d think I would know who I was by now, when I buy clothes. Instead, I keep buying buying shit I can’t walk in, can’t style properly, or can’t even figure out what I was thinking when I bought it.   I think Secret Squirrel could help me to Get it Right.

I believe that Bottega Veneta had me in mind when they designed this suit for fall 2010. If they would now kindly hand it over, I would be eternally grateful.