Hope is a thing with feathers*….and yet this new style by Jeffrey Campbell evokes a different concept. My first thought was of something throwing up on itself.

Adding a dash of perversity, they call this color “purple” when it doesn’t take a drag queen to know it is pink.

$209, but I’m warning you, it runs narrow.

*

Why did they stop there? Why not add zebra?

This “shoe” makes me want to cry.  $469.95 at solestruck.

“Not just a sandal—a work of art, a thing of beauty. This Brian Atwood sandal boasts wild leopard print, ribbons that lace up your ankle, and feathers that sway with every step.”   $1,450 Neiman Marcus

“Not just a shoe—an object of desire, a work of art. This Diego Dolcini satin showcases fan-pleated chiffon, articulated with two-tone elegance and discerning crystal embellishments.”  $2,445  Neiman Marcus

Can’t decide?

Here’s a close-up of the discerning crystal embellishments. (Can they be discerning? Why not judgmental, while we’re at it?)

And here’s the Thing of Beauty, walking back into the jungle….

I just clicked on “women” at Need Supply and this gave me a nasty shock. I was expecting some innocent pictures of the favored Need Supply model, with the tragic doodle-pad tattoos, wearing some crappy shorts or something, then WHAM!

Jeffrey Campbell is not safe for older people with heart problems. Or people with eyes.

Represent Fringe Platform, $175

But why???

by Finsk. $999.95

I was going to pose the question, “These boots would be good for ___”, but Net-a-porter has already explained it!

“LD Tuttle’s open-back taupe leather boots exude directional downtown cool.”

So the mystery is solved.  They are good for for exuding directional downtown cool. I never would have guessed in a million years!

Net-a-porter $550

Dolce & Gabbana Fall 2011

My first reaction to this collection was: Give me those fucking shoes!

It’s nothing to do with trends. I can’t walk in heels and a nice pointy oxford is my holy grail.

This whole Teddy Boy pimp look is such a treat! Everything about it is good. Comfortable, androgynous, provocative and easy to adapt for any body shape. I don’t know what men think about this look but that’s not our problem!

I can’t wait for the knock-off version of these shoes. Meanwhile, I have already nailed the slipping black bra-strap and I’d even call it my Signature, along with red lipstick. If you’re too lazy to adjust your bra-strap, you too can easily achieve this slutty panache!

My first response to these spring pumps by D&G was: “Sea of Shoes!” I  can’t think of anyone who could wear them better than Jane.

No one can do Nutty 70’s Divorcee like Jane does. Somehow she manages to look worn and trying-too-hard no matter what she wears. Her ‘Baby Jane’ Halloween costume was only a fraction scarier than her everyday look.

I think she could wear these shoes with a tutu over a Bob Mackie evening gown with maybe a huge bedazzled cowboy hat. Right? I don’t know, I’m crap at styling, obviously.

I’m not really mad at Jane any more. I have turned my wrath elsewhere. I’d like Jane to fix my roof or my teeth but if she chooses to buy shoes instead, I can deal with it.

Jane, these shoes are only $495. I hope their relatively low price won’t be a deterrent! You can buy them here.

Pink Docs.

It’s time to move on from the big black goat-hair coat.  It was fun for a while but now it’s sad.  Do any normal people wear them, or just fashion blogggers?

I don’t want to see any version of the Lita, or any clog hybrids.  No more talons, either. No more Alex Wang handbags and no more ratty leopard print jackets unless you’re Kate Moss.

What look or item would you like to banish for 2011?

*UPDATE – Shit, I just saw that the NYT did a piece on Ten Things they don’t want to see in 2011. It’s here.