Godammit, I’m Mad!

What an arresting image! I love it.

Can any of you smart ones offer an exegesis?

The Pageant by Zigi Shoes for $114.

The Talon Heel by Nicholas Kirkwood for Rodarte, $1,865

I guess that’s why a woman can’t be President.

From Shopbop.

I’m aware that the shoe brand Irregular Choice has its fans but surely this specimen is unforgivable.  Take a moment to ponder the insults going on here. For some reason, the open toe strikes me as the last straw.

I’m sad that the site selling this shoe doesn’t engage in descriptive language.  I can’t begin to imagine what anyone could say.  “Rats chewed the heel off this plucky little oxford and we patched the front with Grandma’s curtains!”

I can’t do it. Is anyone up to the challenge?

Just to make sure we get how outrageous she is, Tamara Mellon, co-founder of has-been shoe company Jimmy Choo, posed nude for loathsome pervert/rapist Terry Richardson.

Correctly deducing that the new line of $600 Jimmy Choo sneakers wasn’t horrific enough to earn her the coveted Cunt of the Week™ award, Ms. Mellon daringly said of her photo shoot:

“I mean, it’s nude but it’s chic. I wonder what they’ll say at the next board meeting.”

Poor awful woman.  She sued her own mother for $9 million dollars. Why does she keep trying to make us hate her? Why does she have to involve a cat in this nonsense?

All I know is, Tamara Mellon is an overachiever in the cunt department and richly deserves to be Cunt of the Week™.  Nice work, Tamara!

Will you look at this shit? Is it a shoe or a boot or something else that never should have happened?

It’s by Jeffrey Campbell, duh, and it’s called “The Knee High Iconic Gladiator” and here I forget the last word, either shoe or boot.

The worst thing is that I meant to post this yesterday and NOW THIS ICONIC-WHATEVER IS COMPLETELY SOLD OUT!

Please forgive me! It was at Karmaloop. God. Am I Cunt of the Week™ now?

I love these shoes, but not as much as the selling points, as dreamed up by Stylebop. The Agnes Deyn reference almost ruined them for me, but not quite. If  they were affordable, I would wear them with everything except for the hippie dresses and petticoats.

Stylebop sells beautiful stuff that you can’t always find online. For me, the attraction is the copy-writing. Where else would a “small 1cm wooden heel” be described in the same breath as “robust?”

Go to Stylebop and enjoy its wonderful malaprops and cockamamie styling advice!

I plan to avoid any look devised by Alexander Wang, including this disturbing boot. Each time I see it, I feel upset. It looks like a shoe giving birth to another shoe, and that’s not something I want to dwell upon. Or perhaps it’s a bit like a parasitic twin, a subject I actually enjoy but not as portrayed by this shoe.

I will be skipping the long side braid, too. Anyone I come across who has a long braid falling over one shoulder will be instantly assessed as a tragic fashion victim. If you’ve been wearing your hair this way for years, fine. Just carry a dated photo with you.

Alexander Wang says two things to me: Erin Wasson and Rumi. I cannot extract him from these muses or whatever they are. He’s dead to me.

Another trend to avoid is the New Military Look. Not the old Military Look that features the horrible marching band jacket a la Michael Jackson. The NEW Military Look is all about army surplus-looking stuff in olive drab or khaki. How many times must we resort to stupid uniforms? Just wait until you can’t find skinnies* (*sorry!) because they’ve been replaced by cargo pants.

Watch out for the stylized Cat-eye Sunglasses, once again instigated by Alexander Wang and coveted by all the blogger girls. The correct response to a picture of the $325 AW version is  “love.” Just the one word. Of course you want a pair, but try to resist. Sure all the kids  are doing it, but if Jimmy said to jump off a cliff, would you do that too?

Tribal, digital prints, clogs, what other important trends am I missing? The only one that works for me is Leather, because In Leather is Truth. (Something Something Veritas.)

Hahahaha!

$248 at Free People.

Ann Demuelemeester  $1,225.00

Dolce Vita $175.00

Chloe Sevigny – Opening Ceremony $650.00

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God, when will these shoes go away? Who’s stupid enough to buy obtain the Ann D. version?