Godammit, I’m Mad!

Today I went to my favorite beauty supply shop, on a street in a wealthy community where everyone is too thin and the people sitting outside Peete’s Coffee are talking to their agents on their iPhones. It’s a great shop that carries every obscure brand you’ve ever heard of and the sales people leave you alone unless you want their help.

I picked out two hair products that won’t have any effect on the quality of my hair, but I enjoy the process of wasting money this way. At the counter, a woman was asking for help with her eyebrows. She was explaining that her eyebrow has a cowlick and nothing she’s tried could solve the problem.

I was fascinated. The sales person was eager to help, and obviously relished the opportunity. She suggested eyebrow gel, but the woman said that gels haven’t worked. I managed to suppress my urge to butt in. Personally, I swear by Lancome eyebrow gel in Brunet. It grooms the brows nicely and makes them look nice and full.

The sales person suggested mustache wax to tame the problem hair. I thought this was a great idea, even though I know you can actually get eyebrow wax at Bloomingdales or somewhere. It’s probably the same stuff, right? But the woman balked at mustache wax. She changed the subject to the dark circles under her eyes but continued to complain about her eyebrows. They were the bane of her existence, she said bitterly.

Finally, I couldn’t stand it. “Just pull that fucker out!” I snapped helpfully. Everyone turned to look at me. The sales woman smiled and said, “You’re so funny!” the way people do when they’re shocked by your candor. The eyebrow lady whined, “No, then I’ll have a bald spot!”

Now that I was involved, I offered a barrage of solutions but the eyebrow lady shot down each one. I began to realize how agitated she was. Maybe she didn’t really want help. Now she was complaining about the concealer she’d been offered and she refused to try the moustache wax.  The sales woman turned to assist another customer and the eyebrow lady announced that she would try a department store, where “someone has the time” to give her their “complete attention.”

I realized that she was nuts. Not in any dramatic way, but still nuts. One of the things I love about the beauty supply store is listening to women explain what they’re looking for, in a beseeching tone that reveals their absolute belief that something will make them beautiful and happy. I find it so poignant. The belief and the hope in that beauty supply store could fill several churches.

The eyebrow lady was an anomaly that almost ruined my pleasure in wasting $42. Almost. But when she left the store, everything was restored to normal.  I was disappointed that the nail polish I wanted was discontinued: it’s called “Bring on the Bling” and I tried it on last week when my BFF was having a manicure. It was like an entire Mardis Gras in a bottle.

Thank god I can still enjoy beauty products and I’m not a crazy eyebrow lady. That is my affirmation for today.

Look at this nice person I met at the mall today! I asked him about his sit-ups and whether he did a lot of crunches. But he was too nice to talk about his work-out regime.

All he wanted to do was to pull me close and put his chiseled arm around me.

I was going to take my shirt off too, but it all happened so fast.

Later I bought a Chanel nail polish and a red chiffon prom dress. but who cares, you know? It’s really all about connecting with nice male models people.

Yesterday, I made the stupid decision to google “Sister Wolf.”

It’s weird to see yourself as others see you. I’m used to interacting with strangers on my own territory but finding yourself being discussed elsewhere is the equivalent of hearing what people say behind your back. And naturally, they want to talk shit about you.

I was so pleased to find several people who loved my blog! But the pleasure gave way to annoyance when I came across a website devoted to criticizing bloggers. There was even a forum for the critics to chat among themselves, but I didn’t read it. It was enough to find some people dismissing me as crazy, with one commenter even noting disgustedly that I should be getting grief therapy instead of blogging.

It has never even occurred to me that people might disapprove of my grief.  And I never think of myself as crazy, or even weird. I think the critics were upset that I outed a troll, and that’s something I’ve thought about a lot. Upon reflection, I’d do it again, because that’s the only way to effect a consequence for cowards who want to hide behind anonymity.

Well, you can’t please everyone, right?  It’s better to not google yourself. It’s the one instance where ignorance actually is bliss.

But then, I was buying my kid a wallet at Ross Dress for Less, when a sales assistant asked me if I was aware of their Every Tuesday Discount for seniors. Sure enough, my reflexes are so slow that I didn’t slap her in the face for suggesting that I am a senior. She went on to explain that it’s for people “55 and older.”

I glared at her and said something like, Okay, I’ll take the discount but you’re not supposed to think I’m 55 or older. She smiled back, sweetly and blankly. What a fucking cunt!™

God, it’s so awful how you can’t control people. I’ll never get used to it. But I can write to Ross Dress for Less and complain about this assault on my self-esteem. It might be fun to try to get them to apologize. I could even call it grief therapy!

Good idea or not?

Pendent – SOLD

Biba blouse – SOLD

“Comments for Jane” was a popular feature that many of us enjoyed, although others felt it was a symptom of an unwholesome obsession. God knows, it inflamed many of Jane’s fanclub in Dallas and around the world.

I’ve retired that feature, in part because I like Jane’s mother, Mom of Shoes. She’s a divorced mother of two teenagers, and in that I feel a kinship, even though our lives are so different.  She’s doing her best, just like I am.

However, seeing Jane’s new post about these YSL shoes she acquired in Las Vegas, I felt the old call to duty. Sea didn’t purchase or buy the shoes: it was more magical than that.  She fell in love with them and “as soon as they were mine, I blah blah blah.” Not only that, she’s waiting for another pair in a different color to be shipped to her home. Again, there was no crass “purchasing” or “buying” involved.

Coincidentally, today a reader sent me a link to a pair of colorful overpriced shoes at net-a-porter, and naturally I thought of Sea. I really want her to buy them.

So I am launching this new feature, called “Please Jane, Buy These Shoes! ™ ”

Jane, these shoes are only $1,125 and you know you want them. Come on, they’re cute and you like a pop of color, right? Please buy them!

*Citizens, if you see a pair of shoes that seem worthy of this feature, just me send a link! xo

Carrie Blaydes left her design job at Helmut Lang in New York for an uncertain future down South, with her husband.

She has just opened her eBay store, Factory Handbook Vintage. She told me she was going to donate the proceeds of a beautiful cape to the Sister Wolf Roof Fund, so I rushed over to eBay to have a look.

Not only do I want that cape myself, but everything she has is unfairly appealing and styled to perfection. Carrie is the perfect model for her vintage collection, with an old world beauty and casual elegance that can’t be faked.

Make Factory Handbook Vintage your first stop when you’re in the market for something cool.  And go see her blog to show some love!

Silk Chiffon Blouse – Malene Birger:  US 6 UK 10  NWT $99 SOLD

Silk Blouse – Tucker: Small  $60 SOLD

Cashmere Cardigan – Ballantyne for N. Peal:  Small $60

Cashmere Dress – TSE: Small $150

~

Shipping depends on location. Write to sisterwolf666@gmail to purchase via Paypal.

Questions re measurements? Just ask in the comments.

Remember the Benefit Incident, and the pathetic correspondence that ensued between me and Patricia, the company’s US Customer Care Manager?

Well, I wrote back to Patricia, turning on the ol’ Sister Wolf charm:

Good evening Patricia,

Your reply makes no sense. After patiently waiting for 8 days, I am dismayed by your inability to provide any response to my concerns. How can the regional manager help me by discussing anything with “the beauty adviser.”  Which beauty adviser are you referring to? I didn’t even identify the store where this happened!

Patricia, here is the plan. You will want to convey to me Benefit’s ACTUAL POLICY regarding its sales techniques and whether it is considered acceptable to physically accost a potential customer.

That way, my readers may be assured that it is safe to approach a Benefit cosmetics counter.

Finally, you may want to offer me some of your products, with an emphasis on red lipsticks, to compensate me for my considerable distress at the hands of your assaultive sales representative.

I am prepared to follow up with your superiors if necessary.

Sincerely disappointed,

XXXXXX Wolf

Patricia phoned me the very next morning. She explained that the Benefit sales associates are supposed to direct traffic to their counter, but not to slop the product on without asking. She assured me that they want the cosmetics shopping experience to be almost like a party. I made some idiotic and reckless analogy that I won’t repeat, and we said goodby after Patricia promised to pop some red lipstick in the mail for me.

Isn’t that nice?

The lipsticks have arrived: Flirt Alert, and Frenched. One is a clear soft red, and the other a deep cranberry color. I have judged them to be somehow inferior, so I want to pass them on to you, the faithful reader! I will even pay for shipping in the US. We can haggle over shipping if you live somewhere else.

To enter the contest to own these brand new, unused but  somehow inferior lipsticks, just explain in your comment why you want them.  The best explanation wins!

** For a look at the best customer complaint letter ever written in the history of the world, go here.

This is Tina, from Bag Snob.

This is Mr. Freddie’s Mom, taking a little break.

Here is the Life In Travel lady.

All three bloggers have young children they adore. All three love to travel and pose. And pose. And pose. And all three are blessed with bald older husbands! It’s like a club!

Indulgent husbands, photogenic children, a lust for shopping, high end cameras, and the universal female dream of becoming a pin-up girl. Isn’t it wonderful?

If you know of any other Wealthy Asian Mom Bloggers, let me know.  I feel an obsession coming on.

I am the only person in the whole world who doesn’t care about Lanvin for H&M. What an isolating feeling.

I am out of step with my culture.

I am still tormented by longing for consumer goods, but I can’t give a shit about this Fashion Moment. Am I broken?