Remember the Benefit Incident, and the pathetic correspondence that ensued between me and Patricia, the company’s US Customer Care Manager?
Well, I wrote back to Patricia, turning on the ol’ Sister Wolf charm:
Good evening Patricia,
Your reply makes no sense. After patiently waiting for 8 days, I am dismayed by your inability to provide any response to my concerns. How can the regional manager help me by discussing anything with “the beauty adviser.” Which beauty adviser are you referring to? I didn’t even identify the store where this happened!
Patricia, here is the plan. You will want to convey to me Benefit’s ACTUAL POLICY regarding its sales techniques and whether it is considered acceptable to physically accost a potential customer.
That way, my readers may be assured that it is safe to approach a Benefit cosmetics counter.
Finally, you may want to offer me some of your products, with an emphasis on red lipsticks, to compensate me for my considerable distress at the hands of your assaultive sales representative.
I am prepared to follow up with your superiors if necessary.
Patricia phoned me the very next morning. She explained that the Benefit sales associates are supposed to direct traffic to their counter, but not to slop the product on without asking. She assured me that they want the cosmetics shopping experience to be almost like a party. I made some idiotic and reckless analogy that I won’t repeat, and we said goodby after Patricia promised to pop some red lipstick in the mail for me.
Isn’t that nice?
The lipsticks have arrived: Flirt Alert, and Frenched. One is a clear soft red, and the other a deep cranberry color. I have judged them to be somehow inferior, so I want to pass them on to you, the faithful reader! I will even pay for shipping in the US. We can haggle over shipping if you live somewhere else.
To enter the contest to own these brand new, unused but somehow inferior lipsticks, just explain in your comment why you want them. The best explanation wins!
** For a look at the best customer complaint letter ever written in the history of the world, go here.