Posts Tagged ‘shopping’

No More Comments for Jane

Thursday, January 13th, 2011

“Comments for Jane” was a popular feature that many of us enjoyed, although others felt it was a symptom of an unwholesome obsession. God knows, it inflamed many of Jane’s fanclub in Dallas and around the world.

I’ve retired that feature, in part because I like Jane’s mother, Mom of Shoes. She’s a divorced mother of two teenagers, and in that I feel a kinship, even though our lives are so different.   She’s doing her best, just like I am.

However, seeing Jane’s new post about these YSL shoes she acquired in Las Vegas, I felt the old call to duty. Sea didn’t purchase or buy the shoes: it was more magical than that.   She fell in love with them and “as soon as they were mine, I blah blah blah.” Not only that, she’s waiting for another pair in a different color to be shipped to her home. Again, there was no crass “purchasing” or “buying” involved.

Coincidentally, today a reader sent me a link to a pair of colorful overpriced shoes at net-a-porter, and naturally I thought of Sea. I really want her to buy them.

So I am launching this new feature, called “Please Jane, Buy These Shoes!  

Jane, these shoes are only $1,125 and you know you want them. Come on, they’re cute and you like a pop of color, right? Please buy them!

*Citizens, if you see a pair of shoes that seem worthy of this feature, just me send a link! xo

Meet Carrie Blaydes

Monday, January 10th, 2011

Carrie Blaydes left her design job at Helmut Lang in New York for an uncertain future down South, with her husband.

She has just opened her eBay store, Factory Handbook Vintage. She told me she was going to donate the proceeds of a beautiful cape to the Sister Wolf Roof Fund, so I rushed over to eBay to have a look.

Not only do I want that cape myself, but everything she has is unfairly appealing and styled to perfection. Carrie is the perfect model for her vintage collection, with an old world beauty and casual elegance that can’t be faked.

Make Factory Handbook Vintage your first stop when you’re in the market for something cool.   And go see her blog to show some love!

Sister Wolf Shopping Network Debut!

Sunday, January 9th, 2011

Silk Chiffon Blouse – Malene Birger:   US 6 UK 10   NWT $99 SOLD

Silk Blouse – Tucker: Small   $60 SOLD

Cashmere Cardigan – Ballantyne for N. Peal:   Small $60

Cashmere Dress – TSE: Small $150

~

Shipping depends on location. Write to sisterwolf666@gmail to purchase via Paypal.

Questions re measurements? Just ask in the comments.

Exciting Benefit Contest

Thursday, December 9th, 2010

Remember the Benefit Incident, and the pathetic correspondence that ensued between me and Patricia, the company’s US Customer Care Manager?

Well, I wrote back to Patricia, turning on the ol’ Sister Wolf charm:

Good evening Patricia,

Your reply makes no sense. After patiently waiting for 8 days, I am dismayed by your inability to provide any response to my concerns. How can the regional manager help me by discussing anything with “the beauty adviser.”   Which beauty adviser are you referring to? I didn’t even identify the store where this happened!

Patricia, here is the plan. You will want to convey to me Benefit’s ACTUAL POLICY regarding its sales techniques and whether it is considered acceptable to physically accost a potential customer.

That way, my readers may be assured that it is safe to approach a Benefit cosmetics counter.

Finally, you may want to offer me some of your products, with an emphasis on red lipsticks, to compensate me for my considerable distress at the hands of your assaultive sales representative.

I am prepared to follow up with your superiors if necessary.

Sincerely disappointed,

XXXXXX Wolf

Patricia phoned me the very next morning. She explained that the Benefit sales associates are supposed to direct traffic to their counter, but not to slop the product on without asking. She assured me that they want the cosmetics shopping experience to be almost like a party. I made some idiotic and reckless analogy that I won’t repeat, and we said goodby after Patricia promised to pop some red lipstick in the mail for me.

Isn’t that nice?

The lipsticks have arrived: Flirt Alert, and Frenched. One is a clear soft red, and the other a deep cranberry color. I have judged them to be somehow inferior, so I want to pass them on to you, the faithful reader! I will even pay for shipping in the US. We can haggle over shipping if you live somewhere else.

To enter the contest to own these brand new, unused but   somehow inferior lipsticks, just explain in your comment why you want them.   The best explanation wins!

** For a look at the best customer complaint letter ever written in the history of the world, go here.

Trending: Wealthy Asian Mom Bloggers

Monday, November 22nd, 2010

This is Tina, from Bag Snob.

This is Mr. Freddie’s Mom, taking a little break.

Here is the Life In Travel lady.

All three bloggers have young children they adore. All three love to travel and pose. And pose. And pose. And all three are blessed with bald older husbands! It’s like a club!

Indulgent husbands, photogenic children, a lust for shopping, high end cameras, and the universal female dream of becoming a pin-up girl. Isn’t it wonderful?

If you know of any other Wealthy Asian Mom Bloggers, let me know.   I feel an obsession coming on.

Lanvin H&M Apathy

Saturday, November 20th, 2010

I am the only person in the whole world who doesn’t care about Lanvin for H&M. What an isolating feeling.

I am out of step with my culture.

I am still tormented by longing for consumer goods, but I can’t give a shit about this Fashion Moment. Am I broken?

More Homeless Chic

Wednesday, August 18th, 2010

Stylist Simon Rasmussen showed his first fashion collection at Copenhagen Fashion Week and it looks like those homelessistas are again the muse du jour.

Is it already passe? Has Erin Wasson ruined it before it even got a chance to catch on? Or is it a dumbed down retread of Fruits?

I’m lost here. I’m not even entirely over the leather shorts. Autumn is coming and I don’t know whether to wear nude, military, retro, dead animals, clog boots, ponchos, pantsuits, or “Victorian   Biker” (a new term I heard for the first time today and cannot help but promote (i.e. ridicule.)

On the bright side, today my husband curated me a long black cashmere overcoat from our neighborhood thrift shop and I will be wearing it asap. I will call it Geriatric Goth but it will also be kind of Hasidic Swashbuckler. You’ll see, after I replace the missing button.

The Birkin Delusion

Saturday, July 3rd, 2010

This Hermes Birkin bag is available at 1st dibs for $85,000. Can we figure out why?

You could get this pink one for only $65,ooo.   That’s a whopping savings of $20,ooo. But maybe you’d feel like a cheapskate if you bought the pink one.   Why quibble about $20,000 when you’re shopping at this level? Grey Himalayan Crocodile says you really care. It says “Classy!”

But!

You could have this blue one for only $12,500! With your savings, you could buy a luxury car or feed all the orphans in Haiti. But now the blue one looks like crap, right? Who wants a crap Birkin bag?

I’d love to hear women justifying the purchase of a Birkin bag, or any bag that telegraphs wealth. “It’s so iconic!” “It’s an investment!” “I’ve always wanted one!”

The only honest explanation is that some consumer goods signify status to other consumers. Other women will admire and envy your wealth, or so you think.

How much of an asshole do you have to be to buy one of these stupid bags?!? It’s almost unfathomable. The only people who would be impressed would be other assholes. If Louis Vuitton made bags that didn’t look like Louis Vuitton bags, would anyone buy them?

From now on, when you see someone wearing anything with a big, high-end logo, point at them and laugh, “HAHAHA, Chanel!” (or Prada, YSL, Dior, whatever.)

Sister Wolf Says:   Even a tiny act of subversiveness can brighten your day.

Because I’m Stupid

Saturday, June 26th, 2010

The only good thing about buying expensive shit is that you can sometimes recoup some of your wasted money on ebay.

Look at this Kate Moss ‘Groupie Coat!’ Why did I buy it from Topshop? Because I’m stupid, that’s why. I imagined myself as a 20 year old living in a cold climate, walking around like a big Yeti, looking insanely rad. Now, it’s on ebay.

Why did I buy this Marc Jacobs sequin thing? Because I’m so stupid that I must have pictured myself going somewhere and impressing people with my glam fashion sense. I haven’t worn it once, just like the Groupie Coat. A complete waste of time and money. For sale on ebay.

Ooh, what about these Paul Smith “Kings” biker boots. Wearing them would prove how moto, how tough-chic and just plain killing it I am. So what that I already had a million pairs of biker boots. Soon to be on ebay, and I’ll only get a fraction of the purchase price.

I have been out of work for nearly a year. What I’ve learned is that I am a big idiot who spent money as fast as I could, because I’d never made so much of it.   Every story I wrote brought me $500, so a pair of boots equalled only one story.   I forgot to worry about the future, or the people starving in Africa. My shame and my unpaid bills aren’t punishment enough for being so stupid.

However. While at ebay, I treated my self to a look at Mom’s recent purchases, and I was reassured to find that, yes, someone else is stupid, too! Join me in weighing up the stupidity.

This massive anchor pendent was $295 plus shipping. Gargantuan, isn’t it? I think size is key, for Mom. At least it isn’t a monkey or cockroach.

Now we’re talking! Pre-owned Prada open-toed boots, just $199 plus shipping. Are these for Sea or Mom? Would they wear these if they didn’t say “Prada?” I’m already feeling a little less stupid, but what do I know.

Another bold statement piece of junk jewelry for Mom, $85 plus shipping. Nice and big, even “glitzy” I would say. There are many, many more acquisitions of this nature that you can look for at Mom’s shop or perhaps adorning herself or Sea.

The thing about shopping and hoarding is that it distracts one from the void, from oneself, from the horror of the human condition but in the end it fools no one. In the end, you’re just an idiot with too much crap that no one wants, not even you.

But at least my crap is good crap.

Divine Intervention

Sunday, June 6th, 2010

If you don’t live in Los Angeles, you may not be familiar with Fred Segal, a retail establishment frequented by pop stars and wealthy anorexics. Long ago, I realized that Fred Segal is in league with Satan. But yesterday, I forgot.

Feeling bored and oppressed by existential malaise, I went to Fred Segal to look at earrings. I have been fixated on the idea of gold safety pin earrings and I knew Fred Segal would have some. It’s a knowledge based on the type of people who shop there and a dark intuition fostered by Satan Himself.

So there I was, in the full glory of unemployment, when the salesgirl said, “Yes, we do have gold saftey pin earrings!” She produced five pairs of earrings, one covered in tiny emeralds.  I tried on one earring and thought, Okay, got to have them.

I handed my credit card to the salesgirl, my heart pounding with excitement and guilt. The voices in my head argued about the purchase, with the Addict Voice taking the lead. “So what if you can’t afford them, so what!”

The salesgirl was having trouble with her computer. It wouldn’t recognize my card or anything else. She apologized and decided to reboot the computer.

As I waited, I felt the sense of deranged lust for the earrings start to wane. I could already predict the remorse. Maybe I didn’t even need to buy them. I told the salesgirl while she struggled, “If this goes on much longer, I will take it as a message from god that I don’t need these earrings.” She laughed and said, “No, it’s just a message from this computer, don’t worry, I’ll get it to work.”

She called a supervisor who tried to give her directions over the phone. Now I was sure: I didn’t give a shit about the earrings! Life would go on without them. In fact, life would be much, much better without them!

I reached over and grabbed my credit card and said. “I’m sorry, I’ve got to go now. Too bad it didn’t work out.”

I marched out of there as fast as my wonky hip would allow, dizzy with the joy of missing a bullet. God was stronger than Satan and I owe Him one. If he would hide my fucking credit card, so much the better.