Godammit, I’m Mad!

Let’s say you buy a hideous green leather YSL jacket on eBay for $320.  And it’s listed as:  “VTG Yves Saint Laurent Art Deco Cropped Leather Jacket.”

Should you boast that you “found” it on eBay? To my mind, you “bought” it. It was right there for sale and you saw it and you bought it.  Maybe if it was listed on eBay as “Crap leather jacket from the 80s” and you RECOGNIZED it as an YSL piece, then you could say you found it on eBay.

Now.  If you spent some time in the Jewish Ladies Thrift Shop and while searching through a rack of ugly polyester shit, you find this for $40…

that is actually “finding.” The person I sold it to on eBay for $320 BOUGHT it! I think we were both happy about it, too.

So, what do you think? Do you get any points for buying expensive designer shit on eBay? Is there a difference between “finding” something and “buying” it?

It has now been confirmed that this jacket from Topshop is killing it. That means you can look forward to a slew of fashion bloggers modeling this item with hands-to-face.  Too bad if you don’t like money fur or even fake monkey fur.  Girls will be stampeding to get at this jacket. Stand back!

Now, how do you feel about the word “drop” when used in this context?  I personally cannot stand it, but it’s usage is increasing by the minute. I didn’t like it when new records were about to drop, and I like it even less with fashion.  The word “drop” is just wrong, unless a stork drops the records or jackets like a new baby.  Drop is better when preceding the word “dead.”  Why can’t we just say “it arrives on August 28″ instead of “it drops?”

I chose August 28 because it’s my birthday! Yay for me!  If you want to make me happy, you can help me compile a decent Hit List™.  I’m deferring to those who inexplicably don’t want to kill Bono, so I’ll be starting off with Sting, Ben Stiller, and Lou Dobbs.

Here’s an appealing version of the It Jacket, by surrealist photographer Madame Peripetie, who has a masters degree in Applied Linguistics. I have to think she doesn’t like “drop” either.

One way is to buy this jacket (now available in white) from BB Dakota. $79

Or, you can wear this air-brushed t-shirt with little black rhinestones on the fro (!), even though your husband always asks “Who’s that supposed to be?” every time you’ve worn it over the last 15 years.

I saw this jacket late at night when I was, ahem,  on my sleeping medication.  It took me nearly thirty minutes of struggling with Topshop’s login system to make the purchase. At several points during the procedure, I asked my self if perhaps god didn’t want me to buy this jacket. My self was too medicated to ponder god’s plan.

The very next day, Queen Michelle wrote about ordering the jacket. Suddenly, everyone and her mother* was wearing this jacket and blogging about it, posing in it triumphantly with their skinnies (and/or touching their faces with one hand.)

Naturally, I dreaded the arrival of the jacket and filled out a return form in anticipation. I didn’t bother to try it on; I didn’t want anything to do with it.

From the top left, bloggers Carla, Betty, and Sea of Shoes’ Mom*.

Let me say that I dress how I please, without regard to trends or age-appropriateness.  My personal style is called Geriatric Tomboy™. It is based around jeans, men’s shoes, gaudy jewelry and leather jackets. It hasn’t really evolved in 35 years and until I switch over to the mourning attire, who cares anyway.

But I can’t stand the idea of being another chump in this Topshop jacket!  It’s just too depressing.  Now I’ve got the money back and I can recycle it, buying more pointless crap and torturing myself over my greed and lack of self control.  But at least I won’t be wearing that fucking jacket, which -with all due respect – looked pretty cheap in real life.

Now, let’s hear a bunch of sanctimonious objections like “Who cares if everyone else has it, blah blah blah!”  or even “I’d rock that jacket anyway!”  Someone out there knows exactly what I’m talking about – right?

You don’t need to spend $11,400 on that stupid Balmain military jacket!  Why not look stupid for only $39.99 in this fancy gold-trimmed Michael Jackson Costume?!

You’re welcome!