Godammit, I’m Mad!

Godwin’s law (also known as Godwin’s Rule of Nazi Analogies or Godwin’s Law of Nazi Analogies) is a humorous observation made by Mike Godwin in 1990 that has become an Internet adage. It states: “As an online discussion grows longer, the probability of a comparison involving Nazis or Hitler approaches  100% .” In other words, Godwin put forth the hyperbolic observation that, given enough time, in any online discussion—regardless of topic or scope—someone inevitably criticizes some point made in the discussion by comparing it to beliefs held by Hitler and the Nazis. –  Wikipedia

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I love this. This is the type of discovery that brings joy to my heart.

The definition continues:

Godwin’s law is often cited in online discussions as a deterrent against the use of arguments in the widespread Reductio ad Hitlerum form.  - Wikipedia

“Reductio ad Hitlerum” ?!?!

I fucking love language.  In fact, I made up a good word the other day:  Whateverism.  It’s the modern malaise, basically, and I’m against it.  Please feel free to bandy this word about, if you’re not comfortable with Reductio ad Hitlerum.

Reading the New York Times online, I just got sidetracked by a link that said: “Worried about your memory? 5 Signs  it’s Serious.”

As it happens, I have no short-term memory and little of the other kind either. People are constantly mad at me for forgetting things I’m supposed to remember.  They point out that I’ve told the same story twice, and that I’ve already seen a movie I have no recollection of. The signs are all there.

But memory problems are also common in people with PTSD, fibromyalgia, and a couple of other conditions that apply to me but I forgot what they are. I’m not joking here, either.

So, I’m reading this list of warning signs and going Yep, yep, I have Alzheimer’s, I’m screwed, when I get to number 5, Having Trouble With Choices, and I come upon this quote:

“If you used to be a definitive person and now you can’t work your way through choices, that’s a red flag,” psychiatrist Ken Robbins says. “Choosing involves enough cognitive powers — remembering what you like, thinking about how the options differ, and thinking about what you want now — that it’s a problem that shows up early on.”

DEFINITIVE?!?!? What the fuck?! That bastard means “decisive” and he used the wrong word! They’re not interchangeable, Dr. Ken Robbins, Moron Esq.! English, motherfucker! Do you speak it? Where is the fucking editor??

I’m trying to calm down. But it’s hard. And now I can see my future: I will be hopelessly bereft of all memory, including my own name, rank and serial number, but I’ll be flipping out about word usage with my last dying breath.

reading the little profiles of people om tumblr, I noticed that a few people decribed themselves as eccentric. Like, ‘eccentric 19 year old art student loves cats, drawing, photography cupcakes and random cartoons.’

My feeling is, you don’t describe yourself as eccentric. That’s a conclusion made  about you by someone else.  It just seems unseemly. Like calling yourself ‘classy,’ it’s  kind of a self-negating word.

Naturally my husband failed to see the problem. I explained that actual eccentrics would not describe themselves as such. They tend to take no notice of how odd they are, but rather to find others baffling. The most eccentric people I’ve ever known would never describe themselves that way.

Therefore, almost by definition, these self-described eccentrics are just being pretentious. My husband then asked me  what other words I would categorize as unseemly. I came up with “complex” and “complicated’ as well as ‘lanky”. I don’t know where the lanky came from, but it’s certainly not a word to use about oneself unless you want to be sickening.

It was frustrating to try to make my point when to another wordist, I’m sure it’s all a given. It’s pretentious to use certain words about yourself, even if those words are fairly accurate.  Maybe you’re quirky, but don’t bill yourself as quirky. It’s  an evaluation for others to make.

I was excited about getting into this conversation with someone as sensitive and prohibitive about words and word-usage as I am. I though of calling Cousin Russell, who’s always up for a word discussion.  But what I really wanted was Max, because he would know exactly what I meant and he would be eager to throw in some other words that he found unacceptable in the same way.

I need someone to be Max . When it hit me, I started to cry, even though we were on our first weekend vacation in a year and a half.  Maybe my other nephew can help. I need someone who cringes when they hear a room or building called a ’space.’

anyone care to help out? Agree or disagree, as long as you have strong opinions about words.

There are so may feelings and situations for which there are no words in English.

1. What about the feeling when you want to kill your ex-husband? I have that right now.

2. What about that tingle you get when you swallow some LSD – a mixter of anticipation and “Oh no, 8 hours of madness up ahead!”

3. How about the feeling you get when you know someone is lying to you but you can call them on it?

4. Or what about a word for when you ate all the ice cream  you vowed not to eat, plus 3 more servings?

5. The frisson of irritation when characters on TV gratuitously  say ‘vagina’ every fifteen minutes?

The list is endless. Submissions or suggestions?

I just tried to read an essay in the New York Times that cited the words “cellar door” as the most beautiful phrase in the English Language.  HUH? Normally I enjoy lists of “beautiful words” but this threw me. Cellar door doesn’t do anything for me, in sound or meaning. It actually makes me feel a little tense, since I automatically presume that something bad exists behind a cellar door, like a maniac or a dead animal.

I screwed around on google and found this list of “The 100 Most Beautiful Words in English.” Take a look! I was surprised by how many I disagree with. Usually lists of beautiful words are big on euphonious words like shimmer, iridescent,  and lullaby, but this list is all over the place.

It includes “plethora” which I hate, and “inglenook,” which I think is the name of a cheap wine, but I’m not sure.  I misread “fetching” as “felching,” which was a momentary shock that has ruined “fetching” for me, at least for tonight.

“Ineffable” is a great word, and so is “imbroglio.” I also like “pungent” and “woodwind” and “melancholy,” none of which made the top 100. On the other hand, it did include “penumbra” which is too reminiscent of “pudenda” for my comfort.

“Halcyon” is a lovely word that made the list, as one might expect. It would be beautiful even if it didn’t evoke a nice tranquilizer. I once told a friend that the drug Halcion made me think of people laying in the grass beside a sun-dappled lake. He replied, “They should have called it Seurat.” I nearly fell in love with him for that, but I was already in a relationship and he was a prick.

What words do you find beautiful? Feel free to list your own 100 if you love that many.

According to some website called Global Language Monitor, the English language will add its millionth word sometime on Wednesday. I’m predicting it will be a stupid one.

Other language experts think it’s impossible to count the number of words in any language. Sarah Thomason, president of the Linguistic Society of America and a linguistics professor at the University of Michigan, calls the million-word count a “sexy idea” that is “all hype and no substance.”

Ugh! I hate her choice of words! Why is this woman a linguistics professor? Sarah, please don’t use “sexy” in this manner! Just say “appealing.” Next thing you know, she’ll be smitten by something epic.

If you love (and hate) words, go and check out Wordnik.  It’s a dictionary but much more fun and useful. It gives examples of a word in several contexts, definitions, synonyms, even a pronunciation feature.

Wordnik also has a short list of “recently viewed” words, and “new pronunciations.” Among the latter is the word cunt, which its sophomoric users evidently think is fun to hear out loud.  Sure enough, it is!

It must be fun to go to college these days. You can learn to use words like problematize, complexify, and nonpluralizable. Read more about this here.

Reductionist thinking about binary logic? I am so totally disincentivized to figure out what people think they mean when they use these made-up words!